Memoirs of a Philippine Mongerer
Chapter 2: My Introduction to the bars.
I looked at David and said “what do you reckon mate, how about we try out this blow job with ice, I have never heard of that before”. He looked at me and said “not yet mate there’s plenty of time for that later, first I want to introduce you to some friends of mine”. With that said we carried on walking past the dingy little blow job bars with their enticing door girls promising everything under the sun and into a bar called Firehouse.
At this stage Firehouse at least by reputation was still the number 1 bar in the Philippines and as we walked through the big wooden doors held open by the smiling door men, a feeling of coming home suddenly hit me. I remember walking in through the small corridor with the Firehouse memorabilia displayed behind locked glass cabinets, pushing aside the red curtains which shield the goings on inside the bar from the streets outside and bang it hit me. Once through the curtains I just stood stock still and looked around in awe. There in front of me dancing on the stainless steel stage were about thirty luscious girls all wearing red bikinis and white or red high heeled shoes. The song playing was touch by touch and the girls were doing a semi choreographed dance routine the likes of which I had never seen before.
As I stood there mesmerized I felt a gentle tugging on my shirt sleeve and turned around to see an absolutely stunning girl standing beside me. “Have a seat sir” she said and I responded by saying something lame like “where do you want me to sit” (I was putty in her hands already) to which she replied by opening her hand and waving it in the general direction of the stage whilst pursing her lips and pointing towards a stool in front of the stage.
This was the first time I had seen a Filipina point with her lips and at the time I thought to myself, I wonder why she is blowing kisses at the girls on stage. I must have stood there like an innocent newbie because the next thing I knew she had her hand around my arm and was guiding me to a seat. She guided me to a seat in the middle of the bar right in front of the stage where a smiling Filipino bar tender in a checkered waist coat approached me and asked “something to drink sir”? I kind of looked at him looked at the beauty hanging on my arm, looked at the thirty girls on stage, smiled and said “sure thing buddy, think I’ll go a Jack Daniels and coke”.
The Jack Daniels came within what seemed like a microsecond and as I sat back on the high back stool I just took my time to survey the scene. In front of me was a stainless steel stage slightly elevated so my eyes were almost directly crotch level with the girls. Behind the girls was an old fire truck which the girls would take it in turns to frolic upon. I kind of looked around in confusion not really knowing which girl to make eye contact with when suddenly I felt a hand rubbing against my crotch. I must have jumped a bit because when I looked at my ravishing hostess she had actually reeled back in surprise. Then it dawned on me she had been playing with my dick so I just smiled and said “Im sorry honey I didn’t mean to scare you but you shocked me so I jumped”. She looked at me with what can only be described as a lascivious look of cunning and asked in her sweetest voice “this your first time”? Eagerly I responded “yes my first time and I came here because my friends in Australia they tell me this is a great country with so many beautiful girls like you”. When she heard this, the young lady smiled and said “you give me bula bula”.
Now at this stage I had no idea what bula bula meant but judging from her reaction I assumed it must be something good and I was semi pleased that my impromptu pick up line had worked so well.
I sat next to my new found friend for about ten minutes enjoying her company and thought to myself geez I wish it was this easy in my own country. In fact now I think back on it I realize it would have been 2 years since I had actually had a decent conversation with a woman whom I had just met. Now I hear you saying, two years, what is this guy, a social retard or something but if the truth be known, I am a normal, heterosexual, average looking male and by no means a social retard. So why the 2 year hiatus, well the simple fact is that opportunities like this rarely presented themselves back in my own country and if they did the conversation always seemed stilted and contrived. Perhaps one of my favorite aspects of living in the Philippines is that even though there is a massive population here the social interaction between individuals is so much easier than in Western countries. This is especially the case between foreigners and Filipinas and even foreigner to foreigner. In the case of foreigners and Filipinas I think this ease of social interaction occurs because the girls actually want to know you because you represent something different and in the case of the bar girls, because they see you as an opportunity to improve their life. As for foreigner to foreigner the interaction occurs because the Philippines is an amazing melting pot of people from all over the world and most of us are here for exactly the same reason ……… pussy.
After about 15 minutes of my new found friend rubbing my crotch and none to subtly proffering her ample attributes I suddenly remembered Dave and upon looking around saw him in the far corner at the end of the bar talking with some other guy and both were looking at me and laughing. I couldn’t for the life of me see what was so funny so I excused myself from the girl and saying I will be back in a minute strolled over to see why I was the brunt of their humor.
As I approached them Dave said “hey Marty this is Howard the daytime manager of Firehouse”. I offered my hand and as he shook it I said “pleased to meet you sir”. He looked at me and responded “are you pleased to meet me or your new found friend Maryanne”. Just then David started laughing so somewhat indignantly I asked him “what’s so funny”, to which he replied I think you might have gotten a little excited son and then it dawned on me here I was shaking some guys hand whom I had only just met with a massive hard-on.
I quickly released Howards hand and said “shit sorry about that man it’s just that the girl over there has been getting me all revved up”. Howard keeping a totally straight face said “no problem it happens to us all first time here”. Well this was a small consolation and to be truthful I was very impressed with his ability to keep a straight face and not take the piss out of me so straight away I called the bar tender in the checkered waist coat and ordered a round of drinks. Howard said “thanks very much but mate you better get your lady friend over here to join us because at the end of the day she is a hell of a lot better looking than we are”. I called Maryanne over to join us and we proceeded to settle into a nice little afternoon session.
I have very fond memories of the Firehouse apart from all the marketing hype, this was truly an institution in the Philippine bar scene. I remember the good old days of the barber’s chair where willing and unwilling victims would have copious amounts of shooters thrown down their throats and I will never forget the massive Bose cannon speakers that when cranked produced a massive sound which would reverberate throughout the entire bar. This bar also featured functional stained wooden tables, comfortable lounges, a raging drinking and partying scene and best of all 150 plus girls some of which really were absolute stunners.
After a nice wetting of our whistles Dave looked at me and said “well mate it’s time to hit the street”. I asked him “can I take Maryanne with me” to which he replied if you want but I wouldn’t advise it. I looked at him perplexed and he said “mate there are plenty of other options we have only done one bar and trust me there is a lot more for you to see”. I gave Maryanne a longing glance then realized Dave had been around more than me and he’s probably right, so I gave her a little kiss and promised to return in the near future.
As we walked out of Firehouse the humidity, alcohol and pollution hit me, so much so, that we had to stop for a minute and take a breather. I remember standing outside the entrance to an upstairs bar, I think it was called the Delcima club, just watching the street and taking it all in. No matter what time of day or night Ermita was always a hive of activity. During the day especially between 3 to 6pm it was always inundated with traffic. Endless lines of Jeepneys spewing exhaust fumes into the narrow confines of M.H.Del.Pilar street and taxis cruising down the road at a snail’s pace eagerly searching for foreigner fares. There was always the constant pressure to hand over money from the grime covered street children who hadn’t showered for a month, and alongside them were the street vendors selling green mango, balut and barbequed chicken intestines. This montage of images is still as clear in my mind 17 years later as if it was yesterday but out of the mass of images that assaulted my senses in the first few days the one that really stands out is that of the beautiful girls.
I remember in particular the mass of beautiful girls working the clubs throughout Ermita. During the day they were invariably dressed in hip hugging skin tight jeans and skimpy tops. Riding on top of their hips extending half way down their ass would be extra large belts which had nothing to do with holding their jeans up but rather seemed to accentuate that swinging sensuous gate which so many Filipinas have perfected. A second look more predominant in the evening was the skimpy thigh length dress which hugged the entire body and emphasized the so called ‘coca cola body shape’. These dresses always reminded me of scenes from sixties movies and like their predecessors they would emphasize all the right places of a woman’s body. The hips, buttocks, flat tummies and pert little breasts were all accentuated whilst any flaws would remain discreetly hidden only to be found out later by the unwitting customer.
This display of sexually charged womanhood was in my opinion unparalleled by any other red light district in the world. Ermita was a dizzying display of flesh and fantasy. Rose red lipstick, cheap perfume, clicking high heels, hair spray, swaying buttocks, petite facial features, flawless brown skin, copious amounts of cheap alcohol and even cheaper drugs, all combined to make Ermita a totally unforgettable experience enjoyed by people from all corners of the globe.
After about two minutes I had recuperated somewhat and we proceeded up M.H. Del Pilar to a bar named Bubbles. As we walked into bubbles I remember thinking this bar has seen better days and I was just about to ask Dave if we could go and have a look at another bar when suddenly I caught a glimpse of this long legged lovely who like a contortionist was doing the splits then touching the back of her head with her foot whilst maintaining the split position.
Dave ambled over to talk with some Jabba The Hut look alike who was sitting at a table by the doorway whilst I stood transfixed by the flexible nymph. After watching the impromptu show for about three minutes I caught Daves eye and he motioned for me to come and join him at the table. I strolled over and was introduced to the Jabba The Hut look alike, a man called Ryan. Ryan was a crusty, rough around the edges Australian- Yugoslavian who was the owner of bubbles and had literally been there done that. Whilst we were sitting there I saw Ryan put away at least four beers in the time I had done one. I noticed also the waitresses always bought his wrapped in a beer cooler along with a cold glass, they would then poor his drink and take the bottle away. At the time I thought this was just privilege of rank being the owner and all but later on I found out he was served this way to hide the fact that he was drinking NAB a brand of non alcoholic beer. Many months later I asked him why he bothered disguising what he drank and he replied “Martin these bars make a lot of money through selling drinks. If I have some guys who are drinking with me they wouldn’t buy a round knowing I was a cheating bastard drinking NAB.”
After a while Dave and Ryan were deeply involved in a knowing conversation about certain individuals around town which of course meant nothing to me so I excused myself and made a beeline towards the front of the bar where my intriguing contortionist was now rubbing her female parts against a big black pole.
At this stage I had only been in the Philippines for 3 days so I had virtually no idea about ladies drinks or any other form of social communication with the Filipina bar girl but luckily for me this was the Philippines and over here social interaction between foreigners and Filipinas always seems to follow a natural course, no matter how inexperienced or naive you may be.
I sat and watched her perform her acrobatic dances for about 5 minutes then finally managed to catch her eye and received a dazzling smile which decided me then and there, this was the girl for me. After her dance shift was finished she literally jumped on my lap, planted her luscious ruby red lips on mine and with a cheeky impish grin said “Hi handsome what’s your name”? Mmmm-martin I nervously stammered to which she said “you Martin Rivera” and then proceeded to giggle. I of course had no idea who Martin Rivera was but figured it was obviously someone famous so I just said sure “that’s me Martin whatever” and gave her another kiss on those inviting lips”. With that she started rubbing her crotch against mine whilst instructing me to hold her tight little ass and gently push. After about two minutes of this the waitress magically appeared and said “hello sir would you like to buy her a drink”? I replied “yeah sure” and received yet another longing kiss and a round of crotch rubbing.
We must have stayed like this for about 16 minutes when I felt a presence behind me and turned round to see David who smiled at me and said “how you going there son”, I replied “pretty good thanks mate really can’t complain”, “well pay your bill and finish up mate because I gotta get back to the hotel, I’m expecting one of my regulars to drop by for a short time”. I was just about to respond when baby said “I like short time to I go with you”. Of course I had no idea what a short time was but it sounded good so I stammered something like ok with me and looked at David imploringly. David smiled once again and said to the girl, “darling go get mummy he pay barfine”. With this baby literally squealed in delight jumped of my lap and disappeared into a room of to the side of the stage. Next thing I know there was a rather plump masculine looking Filipina by my side who introduces herself as Mummy Josie and whilst rubbing my arm with one hand proffered the other hand in the universally accepted gesture of give me money.
Once again I turned to David with a perplexed look on my face to which he replied just give mummy 3 hundred piso and the girl goes with you. Excitedly I reached down into my pockets, pulled out my wallet and counted out three one hundred piso notes. I then placed them in mummies sweaty palms and next thing I knew the lovely baby was back and with a lascivious smile for one so young, looked at me and said “lets go honey it’s time for a short time.” With this said she grabbed my hand and proceeded to walk me out of the bar with a grinning David following closely behind.
Modern societies have been designed around harnessing the power of the male sex drive (in the same sense that nuclear power is referred to as ‘harnessing the power of the atom’) for the betterment of women and children. Why? Because it works.
Thailand is becoming quite well-known by now, especially Bangkok and Pattaya .
Where to go? Where to stay? How to get around? What are the best values? Best bars? Which places are clip joints to be avoided? What are the going rates for different services? What’s new? What’s different? How do the many different options compare? How can I get discounts? And so on.