I don’t know about you but all of the above scenarios have happened to me and I always wanted to get my own back by taking my female partner to some man type shops. You guys know the sort of shop I am talking about, things like hardware stores, electronic compliances shops, and auto parts shops. So when Shagger actually suggested taking the girls shopping at Marina Markets in down town Mabalacat I eagerly accepted.Given the current weather conditions in the Philippines, the back to back traffic on McArthur Highway and the total absence of any air-conditioning in the markets I knew this was going to be a hot trip but it was worth it just to see the looks on our respective partners faces.We rode the bikes down wearing helmets because of the eagle eyed cops that tend to congregate outside Dau, Pure Gold. The trip took us about 20 minutes because we were not sure of the markets exact location and when I naively asked Shagger who was in the lead, “do you have any idea where we are going”, he replied a simple “no”.When we arrived at the markets Shagger decided a general inspection was in order so we rode the length and breadth of the markets whilst being harassed by Filipino hawkers to park our bikes in their chosen spot so they could ask for money when we were leaving. Eventually we found a spot where there were no Filipinos claiming territorial rights and from there the adventure began.First stop was a shop selling a variety of wares with the prominent item being wheel barrows and a variety of hosing. For us guys it was actually quite interesting to see the different types of hoses and wonder what they are used for and how much they were, however within two minutes the girls were shaking their heads in disbelief. They never said anything but I could tell by the withering looks cast in our direction the girls were not impressed at being dragged out to the markets just to look at wheel barrows and hoses.

I have lived in the Philippines a comparatively long time but the ingenuity of these people never ceases to amaze me and this ingenuity was clearly evident in these markets. There are very few stores which specialize in selling one item in fact 99% of them can best be described as general merchandise stores which will supply the whole gamete of goods. There is literally something for everyone here.One store that did seem to specialize was the bathroom fitting store. If its bathroom appliances or fittings you are looking for, look no further than here. They literally have everything from taps, shower nozzles and bathroom sinks, through to, bathroom cabinets, toilet bowls, bathtubs, and water heating systems.

We had great fun picking out certain items and asking the girls to tell us what they were. For example one shop was selling specialized dual shovels used for digging an oval shaped hole to place fence poles in. The girls took one exasperated look at these and declared “what do you think of us, girls don’t know like that”.Shagger was in proverbial ‘hog heaven’ when he discovered the tools shop. I pointed out to the girls that for us men this was what a jewelry shop was for women. They looked at me as if I was totally nuts and said “there is no jewelry here”.

Since I was on a roll I asked Mr’s mjibbo what do you call these and pointed to some hand trolleys.

Her reply was “what do you think of me stupid. I may not know what they are called but I know what they are used for”. Ok then what are they used for I glibly asked. “They are used for carrying beer or ice” was the instant reply. In other countries the answer would have been they are hand trolleys and used for carrying heavy or awkwardly shaped objects however, in the Filipinas frame of reference objects such as hand trolleys are not defined by their name but by their usage. For the Filipina the objects name is irrelevant, what is important is to know what the object is used for and in this case it was used for carrying beer or ice, two essential items in Philippine life.Later on that night her words were to become eerily prophetic.

The markets are a huge sprawling affair but most of the action is contained in two separate concrete buildings.

When you walk through here it is like being in an old fashioned bazaar with long dark hallways and little stalls tucked into every nook and cranny. This is not exactly the air conditioned mall so expect to work up a healthy sweat no matter how slowly you amble.

When I say there are literally thousands of different items I am not exaggerating and being a kiwi I was very happy to find a good old fashioned pair of Wellington boots. Note the anxious store owner behind me wondering if the crazy foreigner will lash out and purchase his exclusive “wellies”.

Mr’s mjibbo wandered around having a look at things but didn’t seem too impressed. She wouldn’t enter the exercise equipment store and even asked me “if you want exercise why don’t you walk the dogs it’s cheaper and more good for you”.

Here was a bike desperately in need of Ratchets attention

It is quite entertaining wandering through these dimly lit corridors and you will be amazed at the variety of items for sale here. This is very much a Filipino area and foreign shoppers are few and far between however at no time did we feel unsafe or threatened, in fact quite the opposite all the Filipinos were friendly eager to show us around and even more eager to make that all important sale.If you live here and need to purchase some tradesman like items this is the perfect place. If you are a visitor to Angeles and want to get a feel for Filipino society outside of the bars this is an interesting and insightful excursion.

Well, it is that time once again to unload a bunch of pictures I’ve taken over the last few months or so that just didn’t seem to belong in their own news item but were of interest enough (at least to me) to be put somewhere.

So, that is why we are here. To play that age old game of show and tell. Pretend we are back in school and it is my turn to stand up in front of the class and ramble on a bit about nothing really important.

Ok, enough snickering… I know most of you think that is business as usual for me, right? LOL

First up is yet another Western Union has opened up in Angeles City. This one is located between Margarita and 7-11 and by location should be pretty popular with the local bar girl population.

I find this amusing as I did a quick search on the Internet on Western Union locations by using their Site Locator and this is what I found:

Los Angeles, California, a city with a population of more than 4 million people, has 5 Western Union Official offices.

Angeles City which has a population of about 300,000 has 32 locations.

Just amazing…

Was in 7-11 the other day and saw something that just made me laugh out loud. Take a close look at what is for sale here.7-11 is actually selling bola bola! Now you know when your girl’s lies seem to be getting weak and she disappears somewhere and when she comes back her story’s ring more true. Well she probably went to 7-11 and got a refill on her bola bola! And if she is buying the premium bola bola, you might want to lower her allowance!

You gotta love this! Only in the Philippines. Don’t see it? Take a closer look… Netguard and I were at the bank using the ATM and the guard there got up to take a break. When he left he actually handcuffed his chair to the pole! Heheheh So hard to believe. You think the gun alone would be deterrent enough, but I guess there is a chair napper in town and plastic chairs are a hot commodity!

Ok, part two of only in the Philippines! Maybe you don’t read Tagalog but the sign basically says that dancers are not allowed (bawal: A word everyone should know) to wipe their lipstick on the CR bath towels. If they get caught they will be required to pay a fine. LOL Well, take a look at the towel! Just goes to show that a sign is about as valuable as the ink it’s printed with.

Here is an interesting item. On most club doors now there are posted signs stating that minors are not permitted into the clubs.

The weird thing about this is that there is no posted age and I have heard many different stories on what it means. I have even heard that the age difference is different for girls and guys where a girl who is 18 is not considered a minor but a guy needs to reach 21 for this same honor. Then there is the question of drinking age and smoking age, etc.

However, whatever the meaning all the clubs now sport this sign. I am sure that it was mandated from the Mayor’s office, of course. There is no way that all the clubs would come together on something so trivial as a posted sign. So the real question is, is this actually doing anything or just for show?

You be the judge…

Louis Armstrong and Fats Domino sang that they found their thrill on Blueberry Hill. The bar of the same name, here in Balibago, is not entirely without its thrills, either.

This bar is not everyone’s “cup of tea”, since it features live singers out in front of the dancers, mainly long-time Angeles entertainer Jhun Longhair. A lot of couples and mixed groups frequent this club, and Jhun has developed a strong following through his years in town.

“Yours truly” likes to belt out a few tunes on a Sunday night, as well, just to check to see if I can still do it, after all these years. The ownership of The Club is a pleasant English chap named Dave. He has also opened up a Fish & Chips shop connected to the bar, which he has taken great pains to make as authentic and high-quality as possible. The chips are peeled and sliced from fresh potatoes, right on the premises, and the fish is a large portion of John Dory Filet, breaded with their own beer batter recipe, and all deep-fried in beef drippings. Fattening as hell, delicious, and filling. Homemade mushy peas are also available. I’d recommend giving it a try sometime.

This bar is not without it’s own pretty dancers, if one wanders in alone, Lookin’ ‘Round…

That’s it for this look around AC, until next time…

AE Staff Note: Charlie Chan is a long time Expat and friend of the site. He asked if he could write a column but said that it will not always be flattering to life in Angeles. We of course said yes…

So, here ya go. A different viewpoint on life in Angeles.

Just another day in Angeles…

Yes, we have lots of advantages living here.

Cheap rent, nice weather, girls, girls, girls…BUT, let me give you an idea of a normal day from a local’s perspective:

I awakened at 9 am by Digitel (after barhopping ’till 5am) telephone company collections asking why my bill of 900 pesos isn’t paid. I explain that the reason is I have a 10,000 peso credit limit, (which took about 4 months to convince them to give me), so I don’t have to run down to their office, in traffic, every 30 days, and since they don’t have business return payment envelopes, or online payments… etc…

The line is silent on the other end…

Then that dreaded, “For a moment sir…“

Then the line goes dead.

Ok, I’m up now and upset. I call back to try and stop the madness.

Here’s how it goes when I try to reach yet another supervisor to get them to stop calling and READ the notes on my account:

Ring, Ring, Ring…

“MABUHAY, thank you for calling Digitel (recording). Please enter your telephone number, followed by the hash key.”

I press in my phone number already knowing who I need to talk to, but to no surprise on my part the recording goes on.

“Press one for this, press two for that, press 3 for weather in Reychavik Iceland, press 4 to order a gift basket, or press zero to SPEAK to someone.“

<zero>

Ok, now I’m on hold listening to “The Look of Love” MUZAK for ten minutes. Finally, a live person says, “Hello Digitel Customer Service, may I help you?“

“Yes, may I speak to a supervisor please?” I say in a very calm voice not letting the raising blood pressure show just yet.

“Sir, before we go any further may I have your telephone number please?“

“You realize that I had to ENTER that just to be connected to you right?“

Long pause… “Sorry?“

Chose your battles… “Never mind, its 89x-xxxx“

“For a moment sir…“

Damn, “Look of Love” is over and now some thick accented Filipina singing a Chicago classic is on.

“Ok sir, what was your number?“

“89x-xxxx” I say again.

“89, what sir?“

Choose your battles… “89x-xxxx“

“And may I know the name on the account?“

“Isn’t that in the record of the number I just gave you?“

“Yes sir, but may I know it?“

“Ok, it’s Charlie Chan.” I tell her, again very calmly.

“Thank you sir and who is this please?“

“Who do you think this is?” I reply, a little less calm.

“Ok, now may I know the problem?“

I explain about being awakened and the credit limit and so on… “So now can I talk to a supervisor?” I ask.

“Well Mr. Charlie…“

I interrupt, “It’s Mr. Chan.“

Long pause… “Well Mr. Chan, collections have their policy to call on overdue accounts and…“

I cut her off, “Yes I know that, but did you READ the notes on my account?“

“No sir.“

“Yes I can tell, and NEITHER did the person in collections that woke me up this morning, so may I now please speak to a supervisor, or anyone that can get this handled for me?“

“For a moment sir…“

Ok good, Celine Dion. I haven’t heard this song for about two hours when I was in the bars.

“Sir, there is no supervisor on duty here today.“

<CLICK>

Choose your battles.

Until next time,

AE Staff Note: Charlie Chan is a long time Expat and friend of the site. He asked if he could write a column but said that it will not always be flattering to life in Angeles. We of course said yes…

So, here ya go. A different viewpoint on life in Angeles.

So, a quick trip to Singapore to firm up some business and I’m in love. No, not with a girl (I’m way too old for that as I have learned that the single life is the life for me) but with the country.

It was just a pure pleasure to be in a country where everything worked. The infrastructure, the electric system, the attitude of ‘customer is always right’ and just any other measure of a “decent” society which can be thought of all was perfect.

My business meeting for a new supplier was at 9am. I had arrived the night before (late as usual from Manila as there was some sort of delay as there always seems to be) but once landing was processed through immigration and customs faster than ever. The driver was right where he was supposed to be with sign in hand. The drive to the hotel was without incident. Check-in was smooth. And I was up in the room in record time.

I could only think of the last time I tried to check into a hotel in Manila and the huge delay in the mundane process of validating a credit card.

I seem to be rambling on and on about trivial matters but there is a point.

So, I’m back in the Philippines and working on the proposal I need to e-mail off now that some new supply lines are secured and parts in place. Can be a nice little venture I have set up for myself. Retirement will have to wait it seems as this deal was too sweet.

The words are rolling off my fingertips as fast as I can type. “This is almost too easy,” I am thinking to myself. And then it happened…

Brown out.

It was inevitable, wasn’t it? You get used to a country where things work and come back ‘home’ and are quickly reminded why this country will always be permanently stuck where it is.

People back home always ask me how far away is the Philippines which I always reply, “About 2000 miles and 75 years.”

So enraged I pick up the cell and call the electric company. I ask the maid if there were any brown outs (just why are they called ‘brown’ outs? It’s BLACK!) while I was away in Singapore during the typhoon that swept through while I was away.

I felt I was smart (or just lucky) to have missed all the rain, but karma has a funny way of catching up to a person, doesn’t it?

The maid replied ,”No sir… there is no power off while you away.” So I just sat there tapping my fingers trying to contact the electric company. It was 8am on the button on a Sunday morning so I knew this was not some random outage. It was planned.

It always pisses me off that there is a ‘scheduled’ power outage however the office is always closed when I call…

So I listen yet again to the recorded message stating they are closed and I wait for instructions. I know what to do but if you press early the system seems to lock up and you can’t get through. As my mind wanders with images of torture to the president of Angeles Electric I finally hear the, “….Please press six if it is an emergency…”

I press 6

The phone is ringing and then I can hear a pick up, and then a hang up.

I dial again.

Busy signal.

I dial again.

Ring…. Ring…. Ring…

“…Please press six if it is an emergency…”

My fingers mash into my cell keypad as I press in 6-6-6 as I’m sure that there is no coincidence that the electric hotline is the number of the beast.

“Yes?”

“Yeah, I’m calling about the electric…”

“It is off.”

“Yeah, I know it’s off. Why?”

“Scheduled.”

“Scheduled? What is scheduled? Your inconveniencing me?”

“Yes. It is scheduled brown out.”

“Scheduled by whom?”

…long pause…

“Power back 10am.”

“Where is this supposed ‘schedule’ posted?” I ask almost amused at this dialog. And why not? There is no power. What else do I have to do but try to distract myself from the heat slowly invading my house?

“What?”

“I said, where is this schedule posted and how do I find out when these ‘scheduled’ brown outs are happening?”

…long pauae…

“Power back at 10am.”

“Sir. Is there someone there who speaks English? I asked where is the schedule?”

“We give to the Barangay Captain. Power back at 10am.”

“Excuse me?” I ask feeling myself sinking deeper into the quicksand that is customer service in this country.

“We give the schedule to the Barangay Captain. You go ask him.”

“So, let me get this straight,” I am sure I am being broadcast on some Filipino call in radio talk show on some private channel reserved for Filipino executives for the amusement of corporate leaders, “You schedule a brown out for maintenance or whatever and give the notice to the Barangay Captain.”

“Yes sir!” He says confidently sounding like he solved some major crisis thus earning his salary for the day.

“So you don’t post this schedule online or on TV or anything. You just give it to the Barangay Captain. So how do I know when a brown out is coming? I just go check there?”

“Yes sir.”

…long pause… This time on my end.

“When did you post these schedules?”

His turn….long pause…

“We give one day maybe two before brown out.”

“You’re kidding right? So you’re saying I need to check with the Barangay one or two days before the brown out to know that there is going to be a brown out?”

“Yes sir.”

“I don’t think you understood the question. You are saying that for me to know about a scheduled brown out I need to know the schedule FIRST so I can check the Barangay a day BEFORE the brown out to see the schedule I’m already supposed to somehow know has been posted?”

“Yes sir.”

“Who’s on First?”

…long pause…

“What sir?”

“Never mind. Well, you have been very helpful. I now know I need to check the Barangay every day to see if a schedule has been posted.”

“Company policy, sir.”

“So what does your office do? I mean my electric bill is more expensive now than my rent. But you say it is my responsibility to do your job and find out when I am going to get an interruption in service and have no power?”

“Power back at 10am.”

…I hang up, grab a Coke and sit in my own sweat dreaming of Singapore.

AE Staff Note: Charlie Chan is a long time Expat and friend of the site. He asked if he could write a column but said that it will not always be flattering to life in Angeles. We of course said yes…

So, here ya go. A different viewpoint on life in Angeles.

So I am having a problem. After living here for 7 years I am stuck and completely frustrated. The sort of frustration that just makes me want to rip what little hair I have left out of my head out, strip down to my boxers, and run screaming down Fields Avenue at the top of my lungs, “FUCK COMCLARK!”

Yes, it’s the Internet. I didn’t quite realize how bad it was until I got back from a business trip in Hong Kong and was online there for many hours. The speed and dependability there made Angeles City look like they were still working on inventing the wheel.

The reason for this increased frustration is that I make what little living I can on the markets and can not afford to be offline for extended amounts of time. I have tried modem dial-up backup but that just wasn’t sufficient at all. Besides I want what I damn well pay for!

So on yet another outage once I got back I went down to the office in Savers Mall and tried to have a word with the bastards that have the balls to call themselves Internet providers.

As I walked in I could see the look of in trepidation as the service center girl recognized my face. Yes, this was not my first foray into this dark office of hell. Before the Hong Kong trip I had marched in there with purpose and given a piece of my mind. The poor girl sat there dutifully and at the end of my pontificating she calmly got up and walked into the back and got her manager to speak with me.

What surprises me about this country is the total surprise and shock she displayed when I blew up at her with her suggestion of, “I’m sorry sir, can you repeat your complaint to my manager?”

“What the fuck? I just spent 10 minutes here telling you the problem to which you sat there and nodded your head up and down like you understood, and now you want me to repeat myself to this chump?”

I then noticed up on the back wall a huge poster that was advertising a new service from ComClark: Unlimited Internet for a Low Low Price! This promo started suspiciously about the same time I started having major outages.

Hmmm, fancy that…

So instead of going through my monologue of disgust again with this pimple faced Filipino boy now staring at me I simply told him, “You’ve out sold your bandwidth, haven’t you?”

The blank look on his face told me all I needed to know.

So I laid it out on the line. “Either fix the problem or I will go over to digitel for my service!”

Yeah, that will scare him. Get rid of the yelling foreigner and send him over to the competition and all he has to do is be incompetent as usual and do nothing. One hell of an incentive to fix my service, isn’t it?

Well, you know how we all say stupid things when we’re mad.

But as an exercise I did just that. I walked right across the street to Digitel and talked to them about getting my service up and running.

“Sir, do you plan on using this Internet connection for business?”

“Oh hell no. I just really enjoy chatting with friends back home. You know, grandma and grandpa. They just love video chat… That’s why I need the large bandwidth.”

So they tell me over there they are going to do a survey of my neighborhood and tell me if a hook up is even available. I tell them I’m over in Clarkview and I know of many people with Digitel so there should be no problem. I just want a quote on price.

“Sir the survey is free and we will contact you later this afternoon or tomorrow at the latest.”

So here I am sitting in my apartment trying to work.

Surprise, surprise… Internet speed sucks.

It is exactly one week after my trip to talk to the master Internet providers of ComClark and Digitel.

Neither company has contacted me and nothing has changed…

Looks like another trip out to Savers Mall is in order tomorrow.

Until next time,

AE Staff Note: Charlie Chan is a long time Expat and friend of the site. He asked if he could write a column but said that it will not always be flattering to life in Angeles. We of course said yes…

So, here ya go. A different viewpoint on life in Angeles.

Things Foreigners (may) care about but FILIPINAS and/or FILIPINOS most certainly do NOT

There are many things that the foreigner views, be it customs or manners, or whatever, that the locals do not. Many times these can be the spark of an argument as each side is thinking something different. Here are a few observations I have noticed where our thinking is not what they are thinking.

You be the judge…

Until next time,