The Body Shot

After all the dirty tricks, dirty play, dirty laundry, and dirty games played on the Internet and in town this last month, I thought I would take a step back and try to refocus on some of the more important things in life.

Nothing seemed more fitting than to revise something I wrote a while ago and update it for this month’s column. This was originally on my free Geocities site and is still there I assume as I never deleted it and have long since forgotten the root password. However it desperately needed revision and placed somewhere proper to preserve its integrity. For this really is a serious topic and one that every visitor to Angeles City should be aware of.

The body shot!

Right after the Blow Job Shooter, this is probably the most famous (infamous?) shot in town. This fun activity is gaining a lot of popularity and with a little luck my dream will come true and the Body Shot will become a recognized sport in time for the next Olympics and I will captain the Angeles City Team. We WILL take the Gold.

It may be Cuervo Gold, but we’ll get it!

Now we are not talking armature hour here in Angeles. I am sure most have seen in person or in movies the body shot where some girl with ample bosom simply places a shot glass of tequila and places it in her cleavage and then some guy (or girl) simply removes the shot using their mouth and then downs it.

HA! Simpletons!

Here in Angeles City we have raised the bar and made this a truly interactive event and one to be both enjoyed by the participants and viewing audience. So venture forth with me now and discover something new or become awash with memories of times past. Hearken, O gentle readers, to the tales and splendor of the body shot!

Instructions on the Body Shot

Of all the sacred rituals associated with tequila, the Body Shot is the most daring, most fun, most brazen, most resplinded way to drink a shot.

How it started, nobody knows, but you have to respect the first couple willing to do it in public. And we all owe them a huge debt of gratitude.

The fine art of placing salt on flesh, the licking, the moment of hesitation before the shot is consumed and, of course, everyone’s favorite pastime: the sucking.

No where on the Planet has this art form been raised higher than in Angeles City. The following is given for education of this fine art form and simple instructions that even a Gator could follow.

The “Basic”

Ingredients needed:

  • 1 to 1-1/2 Oz. Tequila

  • 1 Lime wedge or calamansi (a small pygmy type lime) half

  • 1 salt shaker

  • 2 willing participants (Variations covered below)

  • A shot glass

The steps:

  1. Find a partner (preferably human).

  2. Lick a spot on your partner’s body (you decide the spot).

  3. Pour salt on the spot you just licked (don’t worry; it will stick).

  4. Lick the salt off (How long one licks is up to you).

  5. Down the shot (no sipping allowed).

  6. Suck the fruit (usually placed between your partner’s teeth).

Let’s go through the basic Body Shot in more detail as all variations are derived from this:

Get comfortable. Your partner must hold the lime wedge or calamansi half in their mouth with their teeth.

Next, place the shot glass full of Tequila in your partner’s cleavage if a woman, or in the top of their pants if a man. “Hold still!”

Now take the salt shaker in one hand, your partner in the other, and lick their neck or other body part (variations covered below).

Next, dash some salt on the spot where you just licked. Then you remove the salt by licking it off. “Hold still!”

Now you proceed to take the shot glass from your partner’s body using your mouth. (Personal techniques will enhance the effect of the drink.) Hold the glass with your teeth and down the Tequila!

Finally, take the lime wedge or calamansi half from the other’s mouth, (partner should try to hold it in their mouth as long as possible. To induce a tongue wrestling match for the wedge) and squeeze the juice from it while still attached to your “dance” partner.

Swallow!

There you have it! You may repeat the procedure as desired.


VARIATIONS:

Type 1: Girl on Girl (My favorite).

SET UP: Girl one rubs some calamansi or lime juice on girl two’s breast, thigh, stomach, LOWER than the stomach (wink, wink) then sprinkles salt on the juice. She then puts the tart tasting calamansi or lime in girl two’s mouth.

NOTE: If a lower body shot is to be tried, usually a napkin is placed in girl two’s panties/bikini bottoms to prevent the juice and salt from getting into places that would probably sting. This can be fun however licking it out, but better to be done in private parties of two or three I would think.

THE SHOT: Girl one licks the salt and juice from the breast (or wherever the salt was placed), downs the shot of tequila, then kisses girl two to get some calamansi or lime juice to combat the drink’s taste. Depending on the inclination of the girls involved, this can be a short peck to a long drawn out kiss that is guaranteed to arouse even the most stout of individual.

Type 2: Girl on Guy.

SET UP: A girl rubs some calamansi or lime juice on your nipple (or elsewhere depending on how brave you are) and then sprinkles salt on the juice. She then places it in your mouth.

THE SHOT: The girl licks the salt and juice from your nipple (or elsewhere), downs the shot, then finishes with a nice tongue kiss sucking the calamansi or lime juice from your mouth.

Type 3: Girl and Guy on Girl or Guy and Guy on Girl.

SET UP: This was perfected in Cockatoo’s and brought over to Ziggy’s as well. You will need two shots for this one. Girl one has both nipples rubbed and salted with calamansi or lime.

THE SHOT: The two doing the shot first need to decide who is going to get the calamansi or lime from the girl. The other person goes without or does a solo. When I do this variation I like the Girl and Guy on Girl and let the two women kiss. Anyway, the two shooting lick the salt and juice from girl one, down the shot, and then the juice is sucked from the calamansi or lime from girl one who is usually squirming quite heavily by this point.

Where do I go?

Where do you go?

What kind of stupid question is that?

Just kidding…

Of course the right answer is to pack that bag and come to Angeles City. The Body Shot might not be the only reason one would want to come here but it is a great side dish to an already full plate of pleasure awaiting you here. And right now is a great time to hit Angeles City and do the “Body Shot” as there are a ton of attractive willing participants just waiting for you.

The best clubs right now for Body Shots are usually the smaller clubs along Fields or the Perimeter Bars. The right attitude and demeanor is usually all you need to get some young sweet gorgeous Filipina in the mood to participate and the “where” is not so much a problem.

Who do I pick?

Here is the secret to finding a willing participant. ASK!

It’s that simple. Most of the girls that have been in the bar for a while will enjoy letting you perfect this fun sport and if you make a game out of it (get 4 or 6 girls together and tell them that the best team to do a body shot will win 500 pesos or something) and I guarantee you will have a great time. Filipinas are very competition oriented and you will be assured of getting some great viewing pleasure!

If you are having a good time in the club and not going overboard by molesting the girls they will usually flock to you. I have seen Mamasans, female bartenders, dancers, waitresses, door girls, and even cherry girls do the body shot. All depends on the guy and how he is going about his business. Be nice and it will come back to you in spades!

Why drink tequila?

Glad you asked!

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole is maintained or even improved by the regular culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through which the electrical signals pass. Recent epidemiological studies have shown that while excessive intake of alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

Thus, regular consumption of tequila helps eliminate the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

The result of this in-depth study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and job related performance. It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving a university and getting married, most professionals cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates.

Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieve during their college years.

So, this is a call to arms. Get back into the bars! Slam that shot! Gulp that margarita! Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn’t deny yourself the career that you could have. Take life by the bottle and be all that you can be!

Don’t forget to tell all of your friends, acquaintances and co-workers that may be in danger of losing their edge.

What is tequila anyway?

To prove I did more research than any one person should ever have to do to write up a stupid little guide to a Body Shot and once again provide further acknowledgment of my almost obsessive nature to be concise and clear in my writing , here is some boring factual information about tequila. Or “Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Tequila But Were To Drunk To Ask.”

If you were to visit Mexico’s western state of Jalisco, you would find fields full of tall, spiky, turquoise plants. These cactus-like agaves provide the raw material from which tequila and its primitive relation pulque are derived.

Pulque is the traditional local beverage. To make it, the flower stalk of the agave is cut to provide the sap on which the pulque is based. The sap is then passed through a bamboo tube into a gourd, and decanted into a wooden barrel to ferment spontaneously overnight. The finished pulque is a milky grayish color, and has an acid, fruity taste.

Though pulque was made before the conquest of Mexico, the Spanish introduced the art of distillation, and called their distilled product vino mescal. Elsewhere in Mexico, this spirit is known simply as mescal, and is often served from what looks like a petrol can.

The more elaborate bottled examples sometimes contain a “worm” – a caterpillar-like bug that bores into the plant. The survival of its body, intact, in the bottle is said to be a sign of the spirit’s high alcohol content, and the consumption of the worm an enhancement of manliness. It is mescal made specifically from the “blue” variety of agave in a denominated region of the Jalisco province, and three bordering states, that is permitted to bear the name TEQUILA.

In the wild, the plant grows to 15ft, and is cross-pollinated by bats. The growers prefer to plant saplings in neat rows, then prune them to control the bug and strengthen the root. One man with a machete can prune 2,000 plants in a day, even though each has about 200 6ft spines, each looking like the blade of a saw.

The plant takes eight to 12 years to mature, at which point its huge root, resembling a pineapple but up to 500lb in weight, is excavated. Tractors and pick-up trucks haul loads of the roots to about 20 distilleries, which make several types of tequila.

The best known producer of tequila is the Cuervo distillery, which claims to have made the first commercial tequila in 1795. Behind the distillery’s Spanish mission facade, a cloistered courtyard, set round a fountain, is home to a caged raven – the Cuervo.

The distillery softens the agave roots for 50-72 hours in steam ovens, minces them in a huge mill, then places the pulp on a sieve and washes out the plant’s complex sugars. the resultant liquid is fermented with a yeast from the spines of the plant, and distilled twice in pot stills similar to those used to make cognac or malt whisky.

Jose Cuervo’s has six well-worn, rocket-shaped stills made of copper and two modern ones of stainless steel. The small independent distillery that makes Torada tequila boasts a 48-year-old mill, but its still are all stainless steel.

Tequilas labeled “100 percent agave” should contain no other fermentable sugars. By law, to be called tequila, 51 percent agave is the minimum but the remainder may be made up from cane or other sugars.

The cheaper, colorless tequilas are matured for only a few weeks. Others may be colored, and softened in palate, with caramel or almond essence. Those labeled Reposado have been matured in oak tanks for up to six months. Those with the appellation Anejo have been kept for at least a year, often two or three and occasionally eight or 10, in oak barrels usually obtained from Kentucky bourbon distillers.

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