Monthly Archives: April 2011

L is for lesbian

L is for lick, L is for love and these days L is definitely for lesbian. As male mongerers many of us are quite partial to a lesbian experience in fact I know many guys who specifically seek it out and consider it a turn on. A little girl on girl action is becoming more and more frequent and it has even gotten to the stage where it has spawned its own lingo. For example you will often hear people asking for a girl who “plays well with others” or refer to a “carpet muncher” or as a blunt Australian mate of mine likes to say, ”a girl who goes the growler”. It is a simple fact that in the Philippine girlie bars what I call ‘pseudo lesbianism’ has been going on since day 1 but in later years it seems to have come more out in the open amongst both the girls and the customers. In this article I will address the reasons behind lesbianism examining why it occurs and why it seems to be on the increase.

In the Philippine bar culture there seems to be various degrees of lesbianism. For example what foreigners would often refer to as a butch woman or a dyke is referred to by Filipinas as a “tom boy”. Basically a tom boy is a female who exhibits masculine characteristics rather than feminine and this includes a sexual orientation towards females.

A lesser degree of lesbianism is referred to as a T/Bird. These are girls who retain some feminine characteristics but again their sexual orientation is towards other females rather than males.

A third degree and again a lesser degree is basically the Bisexual girl. The Filipinas tend to refer to girls such as this as lesbians but in the strictest sense of the word they are Bisexual not lesbian. These girls are often quite hard to pick because they retain their feminine characteristics and have an equal sexual orientation towards both men and women.

The first and easiest to explain reason why so many bar girls indulge in lesbian behavior is because it represents comparatively safe physical pleasure with little to no downside. This is sexual pleasure without any draw backs. There is little if any physical wear and tear on either participant’s body, there is little chance of STD’s and life threatening diseases and there is no risk of unwanted pregnancy. For many women having sex with other women has only positive aspects without the negatives. It is all about sexual pleasure without the associated risks that are an integral part of heterosexual (male female) sex.

A second reason which is particularly applicable to Filipina’s working the bar is what I call the comfort level. Put simply when they are having sex with another Filipina also working the bar it is in many ways like being in a proverbial comfort zone. This occurs because the Filipinas are in a similar situation having similar experiences (both working in the bar), they have similar cultural experiences, similar backgrounds, a similar language and of course a similar sex drive achieving climax through exactly the same means as each other. The comfort level is further increased by the fact that because both partners are the same sex they can more easily understand and empathize with the feelings and emotions each is experiencing and they can understand the problems that one or both may be experiencing. When it comes to Filipinas working the bar a sexual relationship will often start off as a friendship and then over a period of time expand into a sexual relationship. With the initial friendship as the basis this makes for a very comfortable situation for both parties.

I distinctly remember a gay friend of mine in Australia arguing that homosexual sex was far better than that of heterosexual sex. Like a fool I asked him why and he went on to argue that only a man can truly know what pleases a man. I have heard many lesbians apply this same logic as they argue only a woman can truly understand a woman and therefore only a woman can truly satisfy another woman. Personally I have serious doubts about the validity of this argument as it discounts the natural desire to propagate the human species however when taken into consideration it certainly helps explain why lesbianism would be on the increase amongst the Filipina bar girls. It is an undeniable fact that man will never totally understand women and women will never totally understand men however the level of understanding especially amongst same sex partners must inevitably be increased. Indeed when I have questioned some same sex female partners they always emphasize how they understand each other much better than a man could ever do.

Another factor which should be taken into consideration especially when it comes to the Filipina bar girl is that their fellow females make better sexual partners than Filipino men and foreigner men. Let’s face it the average foreigner customer is not exactly a prime specimen of manhood and chances are he is going with the girl purely for his own physical satisfaction and the Filipino men mostly view the girls as ‘putas’ or prostitutes and their actions towards the girls will reflect this attitude. However when it comes to their fellow bar girls there is no judgmental attitude since both girls are in the same situation, each partner is most likely in prime physical shape, they share the same physical and emotional needs and each will get turned on giving satisfaction to the other.

There is an old adage which states “men fall in lust, women fall in love” in other words men have sex for the sake of physical satisfaction but women have sex to satisfy both physical and emotional needs. If this is true then it makes sense that girls working in the bar environment would be attracted to each other since they have sex for similar reasons and are looking for the same things from the sexual experience. Given they are looking for similar things from the sexual experience it makes sense that bar girls will often turn to each other to meet those needs. It is also important to note that when the bar girl goes with a foreigner most of the time she is doing it for the money and in her mind he is “just a customer”. On the other hand when she goes with another girl it is for both the physical and emotional satisfaction. For the Filipina bar girl the female to female relationship can become very important and it is not uncommon for them to develop strong emotional ties to each other.

There are numerous other reasons why bar girls experiment in lesbianism not the least of which is an anti male feeling. In the Philippines the incidents of rape and molestation are alarmingly high and a large percentage of this is from relatives. In many cases women who have experienced rape or molestation at the hands of a male will turn to other women for their sexual satisfaction. This is almost like a backlash against men and a suppression of heterosexual desires. One lady whom I was to become involved with for a number of years I met inside Firehouse bar in 1994 and it was on our initial meeting where she informed me her nick name in the bar was “tomboy”. At the time I really had no idea about the implications of this name but was soon to find out it meant she was sexually attracted to other females and take it from me she was rampant amongst the bar girls perhaps even more than I was. We became involved in a rather stormy relationship and it wasn’t until many years later when we were discussing her bisexual desires that she told me about her experience of being raped and molested by her father in law during her early to mid teens. We discussed her feelings towards this experience and both agreed that this was probably the driving force behind her attraction to women and she recognized the fact that these feelings represented a rebellion against males.

There are many subtle psychological and sociological reasons why Filipinas will partake in lesbian behavior. Firstly there is the control factor which often goes hand in hand with the corruption of innocence. When a woman is having sex with a man she is normally the subservient partner however when it comes to having sex with another woman she is at worst in an equal position and many times in a dominant position. For example in the bar world it is common to see the more experienced girls sexually pursuing the less experienced girls or even the cherry girls. In this scenario there is definitely a power factor where the experienced girl gets a sense of power from corrupting or at least bringing the less experienced girl to their level. It’s a way of saying you are exactly the same as me even though you may have less experience. Lastly when they have sex with a less experienced girl the more experienced partner is in control and as such assumes dominance.

Recently I asked Drummer to cite a few reasons why he thinks Filipina bar girls so often experiment with lesbianism and the following is one of the points he bought up. It’s psychological thing…they are told from birth that they are worthless and nothing and their only purpose in life is to help the family financially, and that if men cheat on them, that it is expected. So now that they have found themselves working in a bar, they succum to what they have been told and “act” like a bad girl, so as to be the “best daughter” in the family. Everyone turns a blind eye as long as the money is coming in. Now that they consider themselves to be “bad”, they are free to do anything badgirls do. including lesbian activities. Its kinda like “see how bad I am now?” Much as the bakla makes everyone wrong by acting over the top, after a failure with women he “becomes” one

Other reasons why lesbian like behavior is on the rise in the Philippines girlie bar scene include the fact that women have less psychological barriers towards same sex sexual experience. You will often see women kissing and hugging in a much more intimate way than men will ever do. For the Filipina bar girl it is just as natural and acceptable to kiss hug and have genuine feelings towards your fellow bar girls as it is to engage in the same behavior with a male.

When the girls from the province first enter the bar life it is a somewhat radical change from their existence in the province and they find themselves in a strange world where they are lonely because they have few to no friends and they are existing in an unfamiliar world with unfamiliar rules. One effective way to relieve this loneliness is to develop a friendship or a sexual relationship with another girl working in the bar.

So far I have given examples of how the lesbian or bisexual behavior is seen as being natural and accepted but there is also an element of taboo that surrounds it. The feeling of doing something taboo or just slightly naughty appeals to the teenage sense of rebellion that seems to be an integral part of all teenagers throughout the world. This feeling of flirting with a form of behavior that is not socially acceptable is summed up by the Katty Perry song “I kissed a girl and I liked it”. This song highlights the titillation that comes from engaging in a form of behavior that she has been taught to believe is unacceptable. It is the thrill one gets from breaking the rules. This feeling of excitement and titillation definitely plays a role in the Filipina bar girls world and makes the lesbian experience exciting and enjoyable. Lesbianism represents a breaking of the rules and rebellion against predominant social mores which is why it is exciting and therefore attractive to many bar girls.

The Filipina have a reputation worldwide for pleasing their man and in bar girl terms this may well take the form of engaging in whatever sexual behavior they know turns the man on. Many bar girls know that if they please the man sexually they increase their chances of receiving a bigger tip and at the same time they realize many men get turned on by the girl on girl experience. As a bar manager nearly every second day I am asked does such and such a girl play well with others or will she do the girl on girl experience or Martin I want a girl who eats pussy. Some guys will even bring in their girl friend or wives and ask for a girl who will “play” with their partner. Bottom line here is that the lesbian like behavior is being not only condoned by the customers but actually actively sought after by male customers.

Often the lesbian behavior and the lesbian relationship will develop as a result of emotional rebound. On many occasions I have seen bar girls become emotionally involved with a male only to have that relationship dissolve and in a type of emotional rebound they have fallen into a lesbian relationship. There is definitely an anti male aspect to this behavior but more importantly I think it is just a safe way to fill in the emotional void that is left after a relationship dissolves.

As in most aspects of life there is the inevitable factor of money. Many of the so called tom boys or full on lesbians who adopt the masculine characteristics will become involved with the bar girls because they know the bar girls have access to foreigners and therefore have access to money. Often the tom boys will use the bar girls and pimp them out worse than the real Filipino male and of course a large percentage of the girls earned money will always be kept by the TomBoy . I am glad to say this aspect of lesbianism is getting less and less and only exists in the main part around the fringes of the bar scene.

Lastly there are several other more superficial reasons why lesbianism is on the rise in the Filipino bar scene. It is good harmless fun, it is a way to pass the time with little to no downside and very often it is just a manifestation of the desire to experiment and have some fun, it is an expression of sexuality and most importantly it is easy sexual satisfaction and gratification.