Search Results for: cherry

L is for lesbian

Posted on April 1, 2011 by wpadmin

L is for lick, L is for love and these days L is definitely for lesbian. As male mongerers many of us are quite partial to a lesbian experience in fact I know many guys who specifically seek it out and consider it a turn on. A little girl on girl action is becoming more and more frequent and it has even gotten to the stage where it has spawned its own lingo. For example you will often hear people asking for a girl who “plays well with others” or refer to a “carpet muncher” or as a blunt Australian mate of mine likes to say, ”a girl who goes the growler”. It is a simple fact that in the Philippine girlie bars what I call ‘pseudo lesbianism’ has been going on since day 1 but in later years it seems to have come more out in the open amongst both the girls and the customers. In this article I will address the reasons behind lesbianism examining why it occurs and why it seems to be on the increase.

In the Philippine bar culture there seems to be various degrees of lesbianism. For example what foreigners would often refer to as a butch woman or a dyke is referred to by Filipinas as a “tom boy”. Basically a tom boy is a female who exhibits masculine characteristics rather than feminine and this includes a sexual orientation towards females.

A lesser degree of lesbianism is referred to as a T/Bird. These are girls who retain some feminine characteristics but again their sexual orientation is towards other females rather than males.

A third degree and again a lesser degree is basically the Bisexual girl. The Filipinas tend to refer to girls such as this as lesbians but in the strictest sense of the word they are Bisexual not lesbian. These girls are often quite hard to pick because they retain their feminine characteristics and have an equal sexual orientation towards both men and women.

The first and easiest to explain reason why so many bar girls indulge in lesbian behavior is because it represents comparatively safe physical pleasure with little to no downside. This is sexual pleasure without any draw backs. There is little if any physical wear and tear on either participant’s body, there is little chance of STD’s and life threatening diseases and there is no risk of unwanted pregnancy. For many women having sex with other women has only positive aspects without the negatives. It is all about sexual pleasure without the associated risks that are an integral part of heterosexual (male female) sex.

A second reason which is particularly applicable to Filipina’s working the bar is what I call the comfort level. Put simply when they are having sex with another Filipina also working the bar it is in many ways like being in a proverbial comfort zone. This occurs because the Filipinas are in a similar situation having similar experiences (both working in the bar), they have similar cultural experiences, similar backgrounds, a similar language and of course a similar sex drive achieving climax through exactly the same means as each other. The comfort level is further increased by the fact that because both partners are the same sex they can more easily understand and empathize with the feelings and emotions each is experiencing and they can understand the problems that one or both may be experiencing. When it comes to Filipinas working the bar a sexual relationship will often start off as a friendship and then over a period of time expand into a sexual relationship. With the initial friendship as the basis this makes for a very comfortable situation for both parties.

I distinctly remember a gay friend of mine in Australia arguing that homosexual sex was far better than that of heterosexual sex. Like a fool I asked him why and he went on to argue that only a man can truly know what pleases a man. I have heard many lesbians apply this same logic as they argue only a woman can truly understand a woman and therefore only a woman can truly satisfy another woman. Personally I have serious doubts about the validity of this argument as it discounts the natural desire to propagate the human species however when taken into consideration it certainly helps explain why lesbianism would be on the increase amongst the Filipina bar girls. It is an undeniable fact that man will never totally understand women and women will never totally understand men however the level of understanding especially amongst same sex partners must inevitably be increased. Indeed when I have questioned some same sex female partners they always emphasize how they understand each other much better than a man could ever do.

Another factor which should be taken into consideration especially when it comes to the Filipina bar girl is that their fellow females make better sexual partners than Filipino men and foreigner men. Let’s face it the average foreigner customer is not exactly a prime specimen of manhood and chances are he is going with the girl purely for his own physical satisfaction and the Filipino men mostly view the girls as ‘putas’ or prostitutes and their actions towards the girls will reflect this attitude. However when it comes to their fellow bar girls there is no judgmental attitude since both girls are in the same situation, each partner is most likely in prime physical shape, they share the same physical and emotional needs and each will get turned on giving satisfaction to the other.

There is an old adage which states “men fall in lust, women fall in love” in other words men have sex for the sake of physical satisfaction but women have sex to satisfy both physical and emotional needs. If this is true then it makes sense that girls working in the bar environment would be attracted to each other since they have sex for similar reasons and are looking for the same things from the sexual experience. Given they are looking for similar things from the sexual experience it makes sense that bar girls will often turn to each other to meet those needs. It is also important to note that when the bar girl goes with a foreigner most of the time she is doing it for the money and in her mind he is “just a customer”. On the other hand when she goes with another girl it is for both the physical and emotional satisfaction. For the Filipina bar girl the female to female relationship can become very important and it is not uncommon for them to develop strong emotional ties to each other.

There are numerous other reasons why bar girls experiment in lesbianism not the least of which is an anti male feeling. In the Philippines the incidents of rape and molestation are alarmingly high and a large percentage of this is from relatives. In many cases women who have experienced rape or molestation at the hands of a male will turn to other women for their sexual satisfaction. This is almost like a backlash against men and a suppression of heterosexual desires. One lady whom I was to become involved with for a number of years I met inside Firehouse bar in 1994 and it was on our initial meeting where she informed me her nick name in the bar was “tomboy”. At the time I really had no idea about the implications of this name but was soon to find out it meant she was sexually attracted to other females and take it from me she was rampant amongst the bar girls perhaps even more than I was. We became involved in a rather stormy relationship and it wasn’t until many years later when we were discussing her bisexual desires that she told me about her experience of being raped and molested by her father in law during her early to mid teens. We discussed her feelings towards this experience and both agreed that this was probably the driving force behind her attraction to women and she recognized the fact that these feelings represented a rebellion against males.

There are many subtle psychological and sociological reasons why Filipinas will partake in lesbian behavior. Firstly there is the control factor which often goes hand in hand with the corruption of innocence. When a woman is having sex with a man she is normally the subservient partner however when it comes to having sex with another woman she is at worst in an equal position and many times in a dominant position. For example in the bar world it is common to see the more experienced girls sexually pursuing the less experienced girls or even the cherry girls. In this scenario there is definitely a power factor where the experienced girl gets a sense of power from corrupting or at least bringing the less experienced girl to their level. It’s a way of saying you are exactly the same as me even though you may have less experience. Lastly when they have sex with a less experienced girl the more experienced partner is in control and as such assumes dominance.

Recently I asked Drummer to cite a few reasons why he thinks Filipina bar girls so often experiment with lesbianism and the following is one of the points he bought up. It’s psychological thing…they are told from birth that they are worthless and nothing and their only purpose in life is to help the family financially, and that if men cheat on them, that it is expected. So now that they have found themselves working in a bar, they succum to what they have been told and “act” like a bad girl, so as to be the “best daughter” in the family. Everyone turns a blind eye as long as the money is coming in. Now that they consider themselves to be “bad”, they are free to do anything badgirls do. including lesbian activities. Its kinda like “see how bad I am now?” Much as the bakla makes everyone wrong by acting over the top, after a failure with women he “becomes” one

Other reasons why lesbian like behavior is on the rise in the Philippines girlie bar scene include the fact that women have less psychological barriers towards same sex sexual experience. You will often see women kissing and hugging in a much more intimate way than men will ever do. For the Filipina bar girl it is just as natural and acceptable to kiss hug and have genuine feelings towards your fellow bar girls as it is to engage in the same behavior with a male.

When the girls from the province first enter the bar life it is a somewhat radical change from their existence in the province and they find themselves in a strange world where they are lonely because they have few to no friends and they are existing in an unfamiliar world with unfamiliar rules. One effective way to relieve this loneliness is to develop a friendship or a sexual relationship with another girl working in the bar.

So far I have given examples of how the lesbian or bisexual behavior is seen as being natural and accepted but there is also an element of taboo that surrounds it. The feeling of doing something taboo or just slightly naughty appeals to the teenage sense of rebellion that seems to be an integral part of all teenagers throughout the world. This feeling of flirting with a form of behavior that is not socially acceptable is summed up by the Katty Perry song “I kissed a girl and I liked it”. This song highlights the titillation that comes from engaging in a form of behavior that she has been taught to believe is unacceptable. It is the thrill one gets from breaking the rules. This feeling of excitement and titillation definitely plays a role in the Filipina bar girls world and makes the lesbian experience exciting and enjoyable. Lesbianism represents a breaking of the rules and rebellion against predominant social mores which is why it is exciting and therefore attractive to many bar girls.

The Filipina have a reputation worldwide for pleasing their man and in bar girl terms this may well take the form of engaging in whatever sexual behavior they know turns the man on. Many bar girls know that if they please the man sexually they increase their chances of receiving a bigger tip and at the same time they realize many men get turned on by the girl on girl experience. As a bar manager nearly every second day I am asked does such and such a girl play well with others or will she do the girl on girl experience or Martin I want a girl who eats pussy. Some guys will even bring in their girl friend or wives and ask for a girl who will “play” with their partner. Bottom line here is that the lesbian like behavior is being not only condoned by the customers but actually actively sought after by male customers.

Often the lesbian behavior and the lesbian relationship will develop as a result of emotional rebound. On many occasions I have seen bar girls become emotionally involved with a male only to have that relationship dissolve and in a type of emotional rebound they have fallen into a lesbian relationship. There is definitely an anti male aspect to this behavior but more importantly I think it is just a safe way to fill in the emotional void that is left after a relationship dissolves.

As in most aspects of life there is the inevitable factor of money. Many of the so called tom boys or full on lesbians who adopt the masculine characteristics will become involved with the bar girls because they know the bar girls have access to foreigners and therefore have access to money. Often the tom boys will use the bar girls and pimp them out worse than the real Filipino male and of course a large percentage of the girls earned money will always be kept by the TomBoy . I am glad to say this aspect of lesbianism is getting less and less and only exists in the main part around the fringes of the bar scene.

Lastly there are several other more superficial reasons why lesbianism is on the rise in the Filipino bar scene. It is good harmless fun, it is a way to pass the time with little to no downside and very often it is just a manifestation of the desire to experiment and have some fun, it is an expression of sexuality and most importantly it is easy sexual satisfaction and gratification.

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Angeles City Mamasans

Posted on February 7, 2011 by wpadmin

Anyone who has visited a “girlie bar” in Asia has no doubt come across in some form or other the ubiquitous mamasan. Some people hate them and try to minimize their dealings with them whilst others swear by them and see them as a nice people who can help them. In this article I will look briefly at the history of the mamasan position and then examine in detail the mamasans role in the bar as well as highlighting the typical good and bad points mamasans tend to incorporate. There will also be a section on what makes a good mamasan with a spotlight on some of the better known mamasans in town and their effect on the bar they work in.

The term mamasan has its derivatives in the Japanese language and originally referred to the Asian equivalent of a European ‘Madam’ or the female head of a brothel or house of ill repute. In the old days the mamasan would be the connection between the establishments working girls and the customers as well a type of authority figure and mother figure for the working girls as well as overseeing the running the entire operation. In today’s environment especially in the Philippines the mamasans role incorporates all of these factors and even more.

The primary role of any mamasan working in a girlie bar is to create for want of a better word a “stable” of girls that are loyal to her, will follow her instructions and will work in whatever bar she works. As has been noted many times the most important factor in any girlie bar is the quality and quantity of the girls that work there and since the mamasan influences this she is directly influencing the bars financial success. Basically the mamasans determine the quality and quantity of girls and in so doing directly influence the number of customer’s and their enjoyment which in turn influences how much money the bar generates. To create her stable and maintain it a mamasan must have one very important skill and that is the ability to recruit girls or at least have close working contact with someone who can recruit girls. This ensures a regular supply of girls keeping the number of girls in the bar steady and counters the natural rate of attrition as girls leave the bar or stop working for whatever reason.


Mummy Stella at Golden Nile one of the few Mamasans who can actually recruit girls.

Generally speaking there are two types of mamasans. There are those that want to be everybody’s friend and do not enforce bar rules, regulations or policies. This type of mamasan will normally take the side of the girls should there ever be a confrontational situation and her relationship with her girls will be one of an elder relative an aunt or older sister and sometimes she adopts the role of surrogate mother. The other type of mamasan is the one who rules with an iron fist. These mamasans will normally be the older type who have been around a while and rule the roost by fear and intimidation. Basically these mamasans instill fear in the girls and this is interpreted as respect. For these mamasans every whim or command must be obeyed or there will be consequences to be paid. Normally these mamasans will have a right hand lady who enforces her rules this will often be a head waitress or someone in a similar position.

The mamasans relationship with ‘her’ girls is often intricate but in my opinion a very necessary one to understand. The mamasan – working girls relationship is complex and works on several levels. On one level the mamasan is an authority figure who is older and has had more experience in the business as such she is someone who is respected and obeyed by the girls. On this level the mamasan is viewed as the boss and the girls will follow her instructions before anyone else’s. She is the primary authority figure whom the girls will obey. In most cases the mamasan is a lady who has worked in the bar herself and as such is in a position to draw from her experience and be able to advise the girl from an position of experience.

On the other level the mamasan is viewed as a mother figure and becomes almost like a surrogate parent. The surrogate mother role takes on substantial significance for the girls especially when they are new to the business and far away from their family and social network in the province. Whenever the girl has a problem the first person she will normally turn to is the mamasan her surrogate mother figure. A classic example of this is the financial problems that invariably plague the working girls. Normally a girl is working to earn money for the ever demanding family and when she has financial problems she will often turn to her mamasan. In most cases the mamasans are only too eager to loan the girl money as it strengthens her ties with the girls and in turn the girl’s obligations to her as she has to work extra hard to pay back the loan.


Mummy Sheila adopts the surrogate mother approach. She does not have many girls but those she does have are fiercely loyal and tend to stay working with her a long time.

The relationship between the girls and mamasan can be superficial or it can be quite deep and long lasting based on genuine friendship and mutual respect. Some girls develop a loyalty to their mamasan which verges on dependency and the same can be said for the mamasans when it comes to their special girls. The deep relationship is understandable when you consider the girls situation. The Mamasan will feed and house the girl when she first arrives often paying for it out of her own pocket. Of course the girl has to pay it back and it is often at exorbitant interest rates but this is besides the point as the mamasan has helped her when she was alone and nobody else was there for her. In most cases the mamasan will demand and receive a portion of the girls income beyond the regular commissions earned, as a form of respect or through intimidation. The logic is keep the girls poor and in so doing keep them working hard for you.

The relationship between a mamasan and her girls will normally over a period of time evolve and change. What starts out as surrogate parent – offspring arrangement will develop into a sort of casual business relationship where the girl and the mamasan work together for each other’s financial gain. This can occur in many ways for example I have often seen girls find a good spending customer and then introduce this customer to their mamasan who will then also receive some ladies drinks. Often the relationship between a mamasan and her girls is long lasting and it is not unusual to see a girl who has quit work some years previously return, together with her husband or partner, and spend money ringing the bell, partying and buying drinks for her former mamasan.


The famous Mummy Rose in Blue Nile. This lady is one of the few who strikes a balance between being the voice of authority and a mother figure.

Another important part of the mamasans job is to facilitate effective pairing between the customers and the girls. To do this the mamasan must know her girls and what her performance is like and she must also know what the paying customer is looking for. In my opinion very few mamasans can do this and they prefer to simply introduce the girl to the customer with introductory lines such as “she is a good girl” or if they know the customer well enough they will subtly raise the subject of sexual performance with lines like “this girls knows everything”. When it comes to facilitating interaction between the girls and the customers it is important to remember that for the mamasan this is a financial proposition as she will get a small commission on any ladies drinks you buy the girl and a bigger commission if you pay for the girls EWR or buy her a personal ladies drink. The entry of money into the process does to some extent make the process one of prostitution but it is a very understated form of prostitution and highly contestable in any court of law if it should come down to that. It is important to remember that selling or renting out the girls company and their implied sexual services is the mamasans primary source of income so when customers sneak the girls out they are affecting her income and as the old saying goes hell hath no fury like an angry mamasan.

The relationship between the mamasan and the bars customers is also multi layered. For example on the surface level the mamasan will simply treat you as a customer and see how much she can get from you in terms of ladies drinks but as she gets to know you she will often recommend good girls who she knows will meet your sexual requirements. Some mamasans verge on being famous whilst others verge on infamy. Some are well known characters around the Angeles bar scene and are actually a draw card for customers to come into the bar. Others are a reason for customers not to visit the bar. On many occasions I would see customers come into Neros specifically to see Mummy Perla and buy her a drink but on the other hand I would hear of customers who no longer visited Neros because they felt Perla had ripped them off. Some customers use the mamasan in an advisory capacity to help solve problems in their relationship. The logic here is that the mamasan being female and with similar experience to the bar girls, will be able to advise the customer on the best course of action to take with his girlfriend or wife.


The infamous and always colorful Mummy Perla.

For the frequent bar customer a mamasan can be your best ally or your worst enemy and when it comes to having sexual relations with good looking girls working in the bar I have always found it the best policy to befriend the mamasan. Some mamasans become attached to the customer and come to regard him as their own. On many occasions I have witnessed minor spats between mamasans and often the cause is access to a particular customer or as the cynics would say, access to his wallet. The mamasans sometimes become possessive and treat the customer as THEIR private customer. Remember if you are friends with a mamasan your spending gives her credibility and respect and most importantly FACE amongst her fellow bar workers. The working relationship between a customer and a mamasan can take varying degrees from virtually nonexistent and simple acknowledgement through to her being the customers’ advisor or the customer having her number on his phone and remaining in communication with her so she can advise him when she has new girls. Keep in mind also that should you anger a mamasan she has many means at her disposal to block your moves when it comes to the girls in the bar.

Some mamasans are invaluable to the bar because of the relationship they form with certain customers. An example of this is the mamasan from Lancelot who has a contact amongst the Korean community and this contact regularly feeds busloads of Korean tourists into Lancelot. More often than not the Korean customers will bar fine the girl and then return to their hotel as they are not into bar hoping but rather the sexual experience with the girl of their choice. Whereas many professional mongerers will tell you never bar fine from your first bar these Korean customers who visit Lancelot seem to have the opposite approach. They will visit one bar bar fine from this bar drink from this bar and then out the door in a group and back to the hotel room together with girls. This is not huge money but it is regular money and it is all because of the mamasans connection which she has maintained over several years.

Some customers dislike mamasans because they feel the mamasans exploit the girls and treat them more like ‘slaves’ or ‘pieces of meat’ than human beings. A classic example of this was the old mamasan in the Red Rooster bar in Pasay Manila. Here was a dinky little bar hidden in the back streets of Pasay and yet it had a steady clientele of foreigners and Filipinos alike simply because the mamasan stroke owner had that unique ability to get good looking girls. This lady would three times a year go down to Ormoc city in Leyte which is where she came from originally. Whilst there she would talk to her contacts and find some people who were struggling financially and were willing to literally rent her their daughters. The mamasan would then turn up at these peoples abode and dripping with jewelry would pay up to 5 thousand per girl to the parents and then after gathering about 5 to 8 girls she would herd them onto the ferry for the trip back to Manila. Once back in the bar the girls would start work as soon as they arrived and they would receive the massive salary of 60 piso a day. This was not exactly a substantial salary but for people who were used to having to scrounge for their next meal this was big money. Things would progress well for the first week as the girls learnt the ropes and earned money by going bar fine and making ladies drinks. Then on the second week the deductions would start first she was told she had to pay back the money that was given to her parents then she had to pay back the transportation fee then for the food then the accommodation (normally a sub standard “stay in” with rudimentary comforts only) then the new clothes and new shoes etc, etc.

This is the type of exploitation many customers dislike intensely but unfortunately to this day these practices are still engaged in by many mamasans and form part of the bars operational procedure and are part of the recruiting proceedure. The logic here is keep the girls poor then they will work harder and more often simply to get the money they need for themselves and their family to survive. In short the exploitation forces the girl to become productive and make money for herself and the bar. Whilst I admit I have seen this exploitation on many occasions I have also seen many times when the mamasans have genuinely helped the girls for reasons other than financial gain. For example I have seen mamasans help girls when they have an unwanted pregnancy and I have seen on many occasions the mamasans offering advice on various situations that are way beyond the girls experience. As someone who has worked in the bars for close on 18 years I find the behavior of some mamasans and their relationships with their girls dislikeable but at the same time I also realize this is to some extent the nature of the bar business and I doubt if it will change in the near future.


Mummy Grace adopts the authoritarian approach and utilizes the microphone to control the girls.

In the bar it is a mamasans job to control the girls and this includes making sure they are dancing on time, making sure there is enough girls on stage at any one time, making sure the girls are on stage when they are supposed to be and not taking a break or hiding in the dressing room, making sure the girls are wearing the right uniforms and shoes, stopping fights between the girls, encouraging interaction between the girls and the customers, intervening between the customer and the girl should any problem or misunderstanding occur, looking after intoxicated girls, facilitating the EWR process wherever possible, drinking their ladies drink at a reasonable speed so they are not nursing it just to avoid having to dance, conducting negotiations between the girls and the customers (for example cherry girls who want to sell their virginity or customers who wish to pay a permanent bar fine), making sure neither the customer nor the girl are organizing a sneak out, organizing bar staff and a host of other duties. In many ways a good mamasan is all important to the efficient running of a bar and she has a direct effect on a bars income.

For the bar one very important aspect of the mamasans job is to make sure her girls regularly attend work. On the surface I realize readers will be asking am I serious, surely a simple task like making sure the girls come to work cannot be that hard. To these people I will simply say you would be surprised. The average Filipina will always exhibit the temporarily rich syndrome where they have a small amount of expendable income and suddenly all ideas of work fly out the window and it’s full on party mode until the money is gone and it’s time to go back to work again. A good mamasan accepts the responsibility of keeping tabs on her girls and will always keep current contact details so she can communicate with her if need be. These so called good mamasans in my experience are few and far between but when you find a good one she is worth her weight in gold not just because of the work she can save you from doing but also because of the money she can create for the bar.

There is a lot that goes on behind the scenes in the Philippine bar business and of course this includes the various government agencies that enforce the rules which all bars must adhere to. In the case of the Angeles bar scene this organization is called social hygiene and they initiate various rules and regulations that govern the bars. To instigate these rules and regulations there is regular correspondence between social hygiene officials and the bars representatives which in most cases is the senior mamasan. The mamasan in this role acts like a bars representative and an intermediary between the government organization and the bar. For example all girls working in a bar must display a license which is issued to them by social hygiene and another card which is issued them by City Hall. To get these cards is often a long drawn out process and will always involve the mamasans who know exactly what is needed, how much it will cost and the right people to expedite, or fast track, the procedure.


Mummy Rio runs a tight ship and is known for her sharp temper.

The mamasan is also responsible for making sure hygiene’s rules are instigated in the bar for example the girls wearing their ID and the girls attending social hygiene for regular checkups. For example each girl has a pro book which is basically a record of her appearances at hygiene for smear and check up. These pro books are handled by the mamasans and whenever city health officials visit the bar performing an inspection the mamasan is the first point of contact and it is she who provides the officials with all the information regarding the working girls. In short there is an extensive system in place all of which is overseen by the mamasan and the various public officials. To this end the mamasans even have their own organization which is called LACSOM and its primary purpose is to deal with any issues that may arise between the social hygiene agency, the bars and the girls that work in them. The social hygiene side of the bar business is very important as the social hygiene department are empowered to close a bar indefinitely should their rules and systems not be adhered to.

The Philippine mamasan is a unique breed and is some ways a mother figure, and an authority figure, she can be a customer’s best friend or a customer’s worst cock blocking enemy. The mamasans have a range of duties all of which are designed to support the bar system and help the bar as well as herself make money. Personally as a customer I quite like mamasans and find them useful in providing information about their girls but as a bar manager, I find them a valuable asset on the one hand and an annoyance on the other. Most mamasans in my experience are weak in the key areas of getting and keeping good looking girls and controlling their girls making sure they reguarly attend work. Most mamasans inadequecies become annoying for example the mamasans tend not to care about the quality of girls they hire because they are not paying the recruitment costs and they are not paying the girls salary, so even if the sub standard girl makes one ladies drink or goes bar fine just once in a year, the mamasan has made a profit. The mamasans are vaguely aware or in some cases completely unaware of a girls performance or productivity.

In most cases the mamasans activities are not confined to the guide lines of her job description. Most of them have side line businesses that run in conjunction with their duties in the bar. Typically these sidelines will include loan sharking (5-6 as the Filippinos call it), selling food, selling Avon products, perfumes, jewelry, lotto tickets, Jueteng (numbers racket), cel phone loads and more. The thought behind these activities is get a little bit every day rather than go for the big hiest in one big swoop.Throughout my years in the bar business I have heard many customers and bar managers complain about the mamasans and wish that there was an effective way to run a bar without being so dependent on them however, for me the mamasans are here to stay and I am yet to see any bar run effectively without them so it perhaps best to learn how to maximize their strengths and minimize their weaknesses as in most cases they are a necessary evil.

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Cherry Girls

Posted on December 28, 2010 by wpadmin

Definition: For the newbies who are unfamiliar with the term cherry girl it means a virgin or a girl who has not yet had sexual intercourse and her hymen is still in tact.

I distinctly remember working in Visions in Manila in 1992 and there was this cute petite little girl named Lyka. I remember how she had a cherubic face with a dazzling smile and a mixture of flirtatiousness and beguiling innocence. She was a little dark skinned beauty so after spotting her for the third time and making eye contact I decided fortune favors the bold and invited her down for a drink. As she walked off the stage to come and join me I observed how she grabbed a shawl and put this around her. She had a delightfully sexy walk and I remember thinking as I watched her cute little hips swaying provocatively how nice it would be to nail this one and I felt an old familiar swelling just anticipating the action.

Lyka sat down and then dazzled me with that beaming smile as I mumbled something to the waitress about a ladies drink. We sat and talked for a while and I remember thinking how this girl had a kind of childish innocent appeal which was really attractive. Everything seemed to be going well and after 3 drinks Lyka was subtly flirting with me so I decided to pop the question, Hey Rosie I think you are a really pretty girl and I was wondering, would you like to come back to my hotel room”? Rosie looked at me with another beatific smile giggled and replied, “I go with you but I am cherry girl”.

Well talk about shot down in flames, I had been rearing to go, I had this beautiful firm bodied young lady who seemed to be into me and everything was looking really good until those dreaded words came out of her pretty little mouth. I was literally dumbfounded and didn’t know what to do. My perplexed state must have been amusing for Lyka as she simply smiled and said, “no problem Martin you get 2 girls but other one no cherry girl”. At the time I thought all my Christmases had come at once and I must admit I ended up taking one of Lykas friends as well as Lyka and had a very entertaining night.

In the end the situation turned out to be very advantageous for me but the point of this story is the disappointment and frustration I initially felt when confronted with the simple truth that the girl I was interested in was a virgin. I remember thinking at the time these damned cherry girls should be banned from the bars what a waste of time and money they were. As time passed I was to come into contact with many cherry girls and with many people who couldn’t stand them and many people who were ambivalent about them and others who swore by them and dedicated tremendous amounts of time and money to procuring that elusive cherry.

Cherry girls are observed by different people in different ways with some swearing by them whilst others find them frustrating and a total waste of time and money. The purpose of this article will be to examine the cherry girl phenomena and highlight her role inside the bar as well as examining what they mean for the customers. Hopefully through reading this article, visitors to the bar will gain a better understanding of the cherry girl/bar girl and develop an effective approach towards them.

When it comes to the bar there are actually several different types of Cherry girl and they can be categorized as follows

1. The true virgin.

2. The girls who have lost their virginity but still claim to be cherry girls for a variety of reasons.

There are a number of reasons why a non virgin girl working the bar would claim to be a virgin and these include

She has lost her cherry but has never been with a foreigner so for foreigners she claims to be a cherry girl. This is generally referred to by mongerers as the strawberry girl.

A girl who has had a bad experience and this has put her off sex so to avoid having sex with bar customers she claims to be cherry.

A girl will claim to be cherry because it gives her greater leverage in deciding who she goes out with.

A girl who lost her virginity in what she considers a “bad” way, (for example a girl who was raped or lost it by engaging in lesbian activities) and rather than confront the painful emotions she now convinces herself and others that she is still a cherry girl

A girl who is genuinely lesbian or frigid. To avoid having sex she will tell you she is cherry.

A girl who restricts her sexual encounters to Filipino men and /or Asians only. Rather than tell you this she will simply say she is cherry and use that as a convenient excuse not to go with you.

A girl who thinks your penis is to big so rather than admit she cannot handle it she will say she is cherry and avoid you and herself losing face.

A girl who has a boyfriend or a regular customer coming soon and she wants to be “tight” for him.

A girl who knows you and who you are involved with (for example your wife or girlfriend) and as such does not want to go with you. Rather than just state the truth many girls will simply make the I am a cherry excuse which in her mind is a nice way to decline your offer of sex.

A girl who knows your reputation and is afraid if she goes with you she will be critiqued by you. Rather than admit this fear she will once again look for the easy excuse which is normally claim to be a cherry girl.

A girl who has only recently lost her cherry but doesn’t want to admit it. She is still in denial and as such will try to convince herself and others she is still a cherry girl.

A girl who knows you well and realizes she cannot play you for money, love support or whatever. Rather than admit this she will simply make an excuse not to go with you and one such common excuse is claiming to still be a cherry girl.

For all of these categories I would like to extend my thanks to Drummer who was as always an invaluable source of information when I was writing this article.

Moving right along it is now time to look at the real virgin and examine her role in the bar. The Filipina virgin in the bar looks like a contradiction in terms but in fact the truth is far from that. The simple fact is that whilst the bar is selling sex the virgins who know nothing about sex often fit in very well and earn good money for both herself and the bar. In a business that is selling the promise of sex I have always found it ironic that virgins should be employed but from personal experience I can positively state that cherry girls, for the most part, make money for the bar and themselves.

Ok, so the question must now be asked how do cherry girls make money in the bar environment. The most obvious answer is they become very proficient at getting ladies drinks. Whilst the normal girl has two options at her disposal, (the promise of sex and her ability to communicate with the customer) the cherry girl only has her ability to communicate with the customer. In many cases it is almost as if they compensate for their lack of ability to offer sex by becoming proficient at communicating with the customer.It is not unusual to find cherry girls among the ranks of the top drink getters in the bar.

In most cases cherry girls working the bar regard their virginity as an asset which when sold will bring them a large amount of money. Whilst working in the bar I have heard negotiations for a girls virginity from as high as 100 thousand to as low as 30 thousand. It is important to note here that normally the mamasan’s will get a cut of the cherry girls money which partly explains why mamasan’s regard cherry girls as profitable propositions. On another level the point to realize here is not how much the customer has to pay but rather that the girls themselves and others in the bar regard virginity as a precious possession which in the bar has an actual economic value. The girls themselves realize this and it is often the need to make money by selling their virginity that drives a cherry girl to work in the bar in the first place.

Contrary to this in the Philippines we also have what is referred to as the “professional cherry girl”. These are girls who work in the bar for a long period but maintain their virginal status. These girls survive mainly by hustling ladies drinks but they have also been known to go out with customers accompanied by another non virginal girl who will perform the sexual acts whilst the cherry girl watches without physically partaking. In my experience as a customer this can be fun but overall it is a waste of money since normally the cherry girl does absolutely nothing when it comes to sex.

Communication is a major factor in the cherry bar girls world. On many occasions I have seen male customers just spend time chatting to cherry girls whereas for other girls they tend to cut to the chase and make the EWR proposition almost immediately. The cherry girls learn how to communicate with the customer more effectively because this is their major tool used for earning money and the customers seem to find the cherry girls more friendly and in some ways less imposing. It’s almost as if the customers feel like they have less expectations put on them by the cherry girls plus they find the innocence attractive. I remember one Asian Escapades member who would bar-fine a cherry girl quite regularly and buy her drinks in the bar. When I asked him why he replied, “it’s a bit like being a teenager again and having a summer camp crush”. When sex is taken out of the equation, as is the case with cherry girls, communication seems to flow more easily and this is combined with the attractiveness of innocence making the cherry girl a very inviting proposition.

Another factor which explains cherry girls presence in the girlie bars is their physical attributes. It is a commonly held belief that a virgins body is tighter and firmer which are attributes that many male customers of the girlie bars look for. One major advantage that the cherry girl has in her favor is the fact that she is seen as being non threatening by the other girls. On many occasions I have seen customers together with their girlfriends bar fine cherry girls and the girlfriend will allow this because she finds the virgin girl non threatening and less likely to steal her boyfriend.

In bar terms the cherry girls are almost like a trainee or an investment. At first they cost the bar money but in most cases after a short period of time they produce far more than they cost and when they lose their cherry within a short period of time they are often the most prolific bar finers in the bar. On many occasions I have seen guys come into the bar and buy the cherry girls a few drinks just to maintain contact so as they can be the first man after she looses her virginity. Some other advantages for the bar are the fact that cherry girls only have to attend hygiene once every three months and the fact that they are less likely to “sneak out” with customers. In short they are not time consuming and less of a hassle for the mamasan’s.

The cherry girls can actually add a lot to the bars atmosphere simply because they have a child like sense of fun and normally the other more experienced girls enjoy playing with them and teasing them and most importantly they tease the cherry girls about sex. Last but not least the Filipina cherry girls are renowned for engaging in sexual activity without losing their virginity. I am talking here about cherry girl blowjobs something which I always found a most pleasant experience because it combines sexual gratification with the sense of innocence. To many being a cherry girl and engaging in oral sex may seem contradictory but in the Philippines it is simply seen as maintaining ones valuable asset whilst being practical and earning money. For the man it is great because it is sexually pleasing and secondly it is gratifying to know the girl cannot have sex with you but she is doing her best to make sure you are satisfied, without as they say, “going all the way”.

As always there are two sides to every story and this is certainly the case with cherry girls in the bar. On the downside cherry girls can be an exercise in frustration. On many occasions I have seen people come into the bar, take a fancy towards a girl, buy her a ladies drink only to find out she is a cherry girl. The result is invariably disappointment as they know nothing will happen and they feel like they have wasted their money buying the girl a drink.

Another bad thing about cherry girls is if they give up their virginity they will inevitably fall in love and will be more like a limpid mine than a pleasant companion. If a Filipina is in love with you this will in the vast majority of times cramp your mongering and you will normally find you are expected to meet some serious obligations that go with taking the virginity. In the Philippines it is never as simple as taking a girls virginity there will invariably be numerous hidden strings and expectations attached.

Even though I have never made it with a virgin I have talked to many girls and many customers about the experience and from what I have heard it is not a particularly pleasant experience. It is painful for the girl and painful for the man. It is messy and generally there is no sexual satisfaction for either party. Worst of all there will always be substantial expectations attached to the giving up of the virginity and these expectations can be very expensive both economically and emotionally. Last but not least the taking of virginity leaves you open for a variety of problems and pressure particularly from the girls family to the extent where you may be forced to marry her or at least provide a substantial monetary payment.

In the end we can say what we want about cherry girls but love them or hate them they are here to stay and it is my sincere hope that this article will help readers understand the concept of cherry girls in the bar, give an insight into their world and furthermore help readers formulate an effective approach towards them.

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A. Santos Street (Blow Road), The Facts

Posted on December 2, 2010 by wpadmin

A Santos Street or blow road as it is colloquially known is somewhat of an icon in the history of the Angeles bar scene. Many have experienced A. Santos Street numerous times in the past, others have visited this area a couple of times and can hardly wait to do so again, some others have heard all about it but are yet to visit whilst still others have no idea what goes on here and thought the nick name referred to the cooling breeze that sometimes blows down the street during the rainy season.


Looking down Blow Road towards Honky Tonk bar.

To understand blow road, what it represents, the services offered there and how it is changing, it is first necessary to look at the history. Exactly when A. Santos Street came into existence is a matter of debate but the most common opinion places it around about the late seventies, early eighties. The blow job bars were a direct reflection of the American influence which at that time was the predominant influence thanks to numerous air force and army personnel that occupied Clark Air base. This was in some ways the beginning of the bar industry in Angeles. Prior to blow road there were numerous specialty blow job bars scattered throughout the Angeles bar area but there was no single street dedicated exclusively to this service. Blow Road was the first area where bars offering a specialty service (blow jobs) were grouped together all in one street. It seems to be a common Filipino trait to group specialty shops together, for example, if an internet shop opens in a certain area and proves to be profitable invariably numerous other internet shops will suddenly appear in the same area. These same phenomena can be observed in many different countries throughout the world and this is exactly how blow road developed.

The Angeles bar scene has changed dramatically since the times when small back to basic blow job bars proliferated however given their history the blow job bars on A. Santos Street with their back to basic style and promise of sexual gratification to some extent represent the beginning of the commercialized bar business and their continued existence 40 years later demonstrates that they represent the hidden heart of the Angeles bar scene. The Blow Job bars are basically the cheaper end of the Angeles bar scene, the drinks and the bar fines are also cheaper with an emphasis on instant sexual gratification in the form of an on premises short time. In a way Blow Road represents the cheaper sleazier side of the Angeles bar scene and it primarily attracts people who are either on a budget or seeking a no nonsense blowjob by an accomplished performer. Having said that here is also an element of wealthy patrons who regularly visit blow road simply because it represents great value for money and they like the no nonsense, results orientated, approach. There is also a certain element specifically amongst the wealthy patrons who are attracted the more simplistic sleazier side of the bar business. Here in the iconic Blow Road its back to basics and what you see is what you get its cheap sex in cheap surroundings and in its own way an essential part of bar business that attracts us to Angeles and makes us refer to this little dust bowl as paradise.


The Black Pearl still remains the quintessential blow job bar.

When I think back to my early days in the Philippines the first blow road bars that spring to mind are the Mega Head and Super Head, however, this was only in the early nineties just after Mount Pinatubo’s explosion and I am sure this area has seen many bars come and go long before the Mega and Super Head bars. The names of these two bars reflect the American influence since it is common for Americans to refer to oral sex as “head”. The two Head bars were owned by Terry Mathews who ironically is Australian and is still around today being the current owner of Owls Nest Bar. The two Head bars like all the bars on Blow Road operated on the no frills, back to basic approach, and this approach is still very much evident in the Santos Street bars of today and they provide the antithesis of the bigger more commercialized Fields Avenue Bars.

Another bar, the name of which now eludes me, used to specialize in “sample blow jobs”. This involved the customer walking in and sitting at a large table with a curtain underneath it, the girl would then crawl underneath the table and proceed to perform oral sex on you. The sample blow job would last for 3 minutes and would cost a massive 100 piso. If you ejaculated during the sample the cost would be 300 piso. Whilst this may seem cheap it was in reality a clever marketing ploy since 90% of the time the male customers would pay for the girl to finish what she had started which would involve an extra 300 piso payment, for the short time, on top of the initial 100 piso for the sample.

Another thing I really liked about the old days was the bar lingo that evolved around the blow job bars. Back then they almost had a type of secret language to describe certain actions. For example it was common place to hear lines like, “Honey ko I give you Colgate BJ” (This was a blow job with toothpaste which would cause a slight tingling especially when a menthol flavored toothpaste was used) or “it’s nice with ice” (this was a blowjob where the girl would be halfway through and suddenly put ice in her mouth causing a sudden chill). In today’s blow road these sayings seemed to have faded into obscurity and have been replaced by a more direct parlance where the girls will simply offer you a blow job straight out and not bother with quaint little expressions.

The Blow Road Bars are very much the antithesis of the bigger, higher profile, commercialized, girlie bars that seem to be proliferating in the modern day Angeles bar scene. The A. Santos Street bars unlike their bigger sister Fields Avenue bars are small and epitomize the no frills approach. In these bars you can expect to find a small balcony area overlooking the street. This area will traditionally have comfortable chairs where patrons can mingle with the girls who work in the bars and enjoy a cool drink while they watch life on the street go by.


Shagger and his new found friend at Shadows.


Shagger happily ensconced on the balcony of Gobbles.

The outside balcony area will normally be composed of a high shelf where customers can rest their drink and a series of chairs or in some cases a comfortable lounge where customers can sit back and relax whilst they wile away the time in a comfortable environment. These areas are at best very basic, the furniture is either plastic chairs or old lounges which are comfortable but have seen better days. The area is kept cool by strategically placed overhead fans, the range of drinks is very limited and service is kept to the basics. For example these bars do not have any set waitresses but rely on the “working girls” to double up and perform the waitressing duties as well. There are no uniforms or bikini clad dancers in these bars but rather just a series of girls dressed in normal street clothes all of whom are invariably orally talented.


Mvpimp surrounded by a newly found fan club on the balcony of Shadows.

The one exception to this is Honky Tonk where the girls actually wear a Honky Tonk uniform however they are still not formal waitresses or dancers.


The Honky Tonk girls are unique in that they actually wear a Honky Tonk bar uniform.


Two new little spinners at Honky Tonk looking good in the red Honky Tonk uniform.

Another interesting aspect of the Blow Road bars is how the girls and the customers relate. Whenever one visits these bars you will normally see regular customers who use the bars as their local watering hole. In most cases the girls know these customers by name and the customers know the girls by name. Very obviously these customers have indulged in the girls services before yet there is a sort of laid back respect between the girl and customer and no possessiveness is encountered here. In fact quite the opposite is true and it is not uncommon to see people riding or walking by, smile and stop to chat with the girls whom they have obviously been with before.

One major difference between Blow Road Bars and Fields Avenue bars is the type of girl you will find and how they are presented. In the bigger Fields Avenue bars the music is louder and the girls are presented in bikinis as they gyrate their bodies on a well lit stage. Typically these girls will have their hair done, their nails polished and will wear makeup along with high heals or even boots. The Blow Road bars are a far cry from this, here the girl’s wear little if no makeup, and there is no commercial presentation of sexuality. These bars place an emphasis on the no frills approach where the girls wear little if no makeup, flat heal shoes, no lipstick and very basic clothing such as shorts and a t-shirt. The girl’s sexuality in these bars is raw and uncompromised, in most cases they know exactly what their job is and how to perform it. Do not expect fashion sense or cultural erudition from these girls, they are here to perform a job and in most cases they are extremely skilled at it.


Two of the little hummers from Shadows bar

Another major difference between the Blow Road bars and the Fields Avenue bars is the number of girls they employ. Generally speaking the Blow Road Bars will employ the basic minimum of girls which ranges from ten through to, in the case of Shadows, thirty girls. These bars will generally be open 24/7 and the girls will mostly work a 12 hour shift. These bars are generally cheaper than the main Fields Avenue bars and as such the girls will place an emphasis on the quantity of customers not the quality. When we researched this article we asked many of the girls what sort of tips they got and in general they stated they were happy with a 100 to 300 piso tip and very happy with a 500 peso tip.

One interesting aspect of the Blow Road bars is that the girls receive no salary but instead survive on “commission only”. In Fields Avenue it is not uncommon to see salary hikes as the various bars compete to attract the hottest girls and the cost of these salary hikes is passed onto the customer in terms of higher prices. This is certainly not the case in Blow Road where all the bars neglect to pay the girls working there any salary. The no salary aspect keeps the girls keen to get a customer and to perform well. The blow road girls rely on the customers tips as much as they do the commission from the bar. It also has the pleasant effect of helping to keep costs to a bare minimum which is passed onto the customer in terms of lower prices. When I first discovered this back in 1996 I was working in Illusions and several girls from a blow road bar came and worked there. The girls lasted for two weeks then slowly but surely began to drift back to the blow road bars where they came from initially. I was perplexed by their disappearance figuring that since they received no salary in the Blow Road bar they must be making more money in Illusions. After they had left I posed this opinion to Wolfy the owner and he promptly contradicted me saying in actual fact the girls could make more money in Blow Road even without a salary than they could at Illusions. I asked him how is this possible and he replied “do the math’s”. “A productive girl in Blow Road can do 3 or more short times a day followed by a long time” At this period in time the short time was 500 peso of which the girl got half as commission and the long time was 1000. In short she could earn 750 piso commission on the short times plus whatever the customer tipped her then on the long time she could earn a further 500 plus whatever the customer tipped her when completed. With the average tip in those days being 100 for a short time and 300 for a long time the girl could earn 1850 piso for a days work. On the other hand in Illusions she had to dance and would get a salary of 100 piso. The bar fine in those days was 1000 piso and the girl would get 500. The average tip was 300 piso which would mean earnings of 900 piso for a nights work. The money may be better and the work less physically strenuous in the BJ bars but there is also a downside and that is the fact that in the normal dancing bars the girls work a 9 hour shift but in the BJ bars they work a 12 hour shift.

One thing I always found amusing was the seemingly contradictory advent of the cherry girl blow jobber. For me a girl who maintains her virginity yet is adept at oral sex is a contradiction in terms yet in blow road this is a common occurrence. Many times I have met girls who in line with the moral traditions of Philippine society have maintained their virginity yet these same so called good girls are more than adept at performing oral sex. Once again I think this boils down to economic reality juxtaposed against societies moral expectations. The girls get a job performing oral sex to meet economic pressures yet to stay in line with moral expectations she remains a virgin. I have always found the idea of young innocent cherry girls performing oral sex for a living contradictory and at the same time intriguing. They are definitely one of the contradictions that make blow road such an interesting and unique place. For the experienced mongerers whose taste veers towards the ‘fresher” inexperienced girls then the Blow Road bars should certainly be checked out periodically.


A cute cherry girl in whose mouth butter wouldn’t melt yet she can perform oral sex in the blink of an eye.

There are a series of questions which are commonly asked regarding the bars on Blow Road and two of the most common are how do the girls get a job like this and secondly how are they taught the oral skills they so rapidly become adept at. Over the years I have asked the Blow Road girls on many occasions how they got to be working on Blow Road and over four generations of bar girls the stories are nearly always the same. Invariably these girls find their way to Blow Road because while residing in the province they have met a friend or a relative who has been working in blow road and has returned to the province with what looks like conspicuous wealth. This conspicuous wealth will normally take the form of cash or jewelry and it is only a matter of time before the provincial girls get curious and start to ask questions how this wealth was obtained. This is when they find out about A. Santos Street and working in the bars. Most of the time they will be told the job is as a waitress serving rich foreigners which in turn gives them an acceptable excuse to tell their parents. In the larger Fields Avenue bars there seems to be an over abundance of Samar girls but in Blow Road I have always found a proliferation of girls from Leyte.

When it comes to teaching the new girls how to perform oral sex several methods are utilized. Firstly there is the practical demonstration using a banana or zucchini. This is normally conducted by the mamasan or by the resident bakla, (the baklas or gays are a fact of life in the Philippine blow job bars), or by one of the more experienced girls. The banana demonstration will normally be accompanied by a running diatribe from the person instructing and the more experienced girls who always seem to want to put in their two cents worth whenever these instructional events occur. A second method will just be word of mouth where a mamasan or older girl will take the new comers aside and simply answer any questions the new girl may have. A third method will be the new girls just keeping their ears and eyes open. Often they will listen in to the conversations of the other girls or the baklas both of whom will commonly swap graphically detailed tales about their experiences and techniques utilized. Lastly they have what is certainly my favorite teaching method where a new girl is invited by a more experienced girl to actually watch and sometimes participate, in a real life blow job.

Over my years of managing bars and living in Angeles I have been asked many questions and in regards to blow road some of the more common are what is the average age of the girls that work here, do they do threesomes and do they have to go to social hygiene like the girls working on Fields Avenue. To be truthful I have no idea what the average age of the girls working in the bars is but I can state that it is always worth checking out the blow road bars because there is nearly always some new recruits arriving from the provinces and being part of their learning curve I have found to be a very pleasurable experience. We also asked the girls what were the peak times for customers and they told us from 5 to 8 and then again from 2 to 4 in the morning. From this we hypothesized that many customers will come down blow road to get their rocks off prior to starting their bar hop and then later in the early morning hours there is the second wave of customers who having failed to find anything that takes their fancy in the mainstream Fields Avenue bars will visit the Blow Road bars for quick sexual gratification.

There are also a number of other commonly asked question and two of the most common are do these girls go to hygiene and where NOT to go on Blow Road or more accurately what bars not to frequent. The answer to the first question is yes the girls on Blow Road have to go to hygiene once a week just like the girls who work the Fields Avenue bars. In regards to the second question when people ask this they are generally referring to the Baklas or the lady boy bars. Up until about 2 years ago the Lady Boys were a constant on Blow Road hunting for customers day and night but thanks to a police crackdown these days they are less prevalent and only really come out at night time. What’s more when they do come out you will normally find them on the left hand side of the road (looking down A Santos Street from Kokomos). As the night progresses the lady boys gets bolder and make their way to Fields Avenue where they normally hang outside La Bamba Rhapsody and Lollipop all bars which are closed by 3AM.

Other commonly asked questions include are the girls photo friendly and do they do threesomes. When it comes to photographs on the whole I have found the girls approachable and photo friendly except when performing oral sex activities. They will always draw the line at this point, in fact none of the bars would let us take a photo of their short time rooms for fear of repercussions. In regards to threesomes well I have managed to do this twice with blow road girls but on the whole it has been my experience that they are not so much into it. They will easily do two girls performing oral sex but when it comes to “playing” with each other they tend to play shy and decline. It has been my experience that these girls learn very quickly to regard sexual activity especially blow jobs as a job and not for pleasure. Many people have asked me is this area safe at night and are there mamasans or bar managers in these bars. In regards to the safety question I have never encountered a problem here but my advice would be to stay away from the Baklas as consorting with them in the early morning hours will invariably lead to trouble. With the advent of the new up market hotels such as the Pacific Breeze and the Wild Orchid this area has indeed by cleaned up, street lights put in and the sleaze element is much less pronounced than in days gone by. In regards to the Mamasan and Manager question the answer is yes for both. All Blow Road bars will have a Mamasan who will often double up as the manager or even head waitress. This is a prime example of multi tasking in order to keep the operating costs down. One bar Honky Tonk has a well known manager/owner named Ken who is always ready with a yarn or two shared over a friendly drink.


Wow cocktail lounge which is frequented by both lady boys and real women.

Personally I do not like the Lady Boys as they are normally ugly and are prone to pick pocketing or sometimes straight out mugging what’s more the vast majority of them are supporting a drug habit due to their constant need to be skinny. Many years ago the Lady boys would proliferate on Blow Road and they were famous for soliciting customers and performing oral services right on the street. This was all very well except for the fact that whilst giving head their hands would be riffling through the customers pockets seeking out wallets or other valuables.

Despite the numerous detractions of the Lady Boys they are not all bad and do indeed perform a valuable service when they teach the girls how to perform a blow job. I have heard it said many times that only a man can truly know what another man wants and I have come across several guys who swear by the lady boys saying that they give the best blow jobs they have ever had.

As in all things change is inevitable and over the last five years with the coming of the up-market hotels on A. Santos Street (Blow Road) has certainly seen some changes. With the coming of hotels such as the Wild Orchid and the Pacific Breeze the area now sees a more up market clientele walking on the street as opposed to the less financially flush locals or long term tourists who are bargain hunting.



To cater for this market the Blow Road bars have to some extent changed, at least in terms of their external appearance and leading the way is Honky Tonk. Situated directly across the road from Wild Orchid hotel Mention here how the advent of new hotels has taken the area up -scale a little bit and increased passing traffic, this in turn has caused the bars to go slightly up market and take on more of a social drinking aspect as opposed to quick sexual satisfaction. Honky Tonk now has a new clean facade a large wet bar area, a pool table, a large screen plasma TV hooked up to a satellite receiver, bar girls with Honky Tonk uniforms, a number of comfortable lounge chairs where the customers can sit back and relax with the girl of their choice, a series of stools around the wet bar where groups of customers can congregate and swap a yarn or two over a few cold ones and a large managers table which can seat up to 8 people comfortably.


The outside of Honky Tonk which greets customers as they walk out of the Wild Orchid hotel.


The Honky Tonk managers table. Note the chairs great for relaxing in with some good friends.


Ezindebar enjoys the company of a new found spinner friend at the managers table in Honky Tonk.


Some Honky Tonk girls in uniform. All of whom have well honed oral skills.


Shagger enjoys the company of two Honky Tonk girls.


The well stocked bar at Honky Tonk sets it apart from other BJ bars.


The comfortable lounges where the Honky Tonk girls willing to chat and have a few drinks with you.

The outside nature of these bars and the back to basics approach reminds me of the Pattaya Beer bars which are in juxtaposition to the larger and more glitzy go-go bars. The great thing about the outside nature of these bars is that they serve as a social meeting place and the girls who work here are keen to communicate with you, yet there is little if no ladies drink pressure. Initially the girls will try to part you from your money by offering you a short time which costs 700 piso and involves a trip to a private room in the back of the establishment however if you stick to your guns and politely tell them you are only interested in relaxing and having a chat with them they will on the most part grant you your wishes and there will be little or no ladies drink pressure.

Behind the balcony area overlooking the street is generally a small area which includes a wet bar area, a basic sound system, normally a cd player with a limited selection of musical cd’s, one or two small tables and chairs, occasionally a pool table, overhead fans, a single overhead light bulb and some very basic kitchen decorations. The range of alcohol on sale is normally limited and in some of the bars they do not stock imported Whiskeys, Vodkas, Bourbons or other imported drinks. On the positive side the drinks they do serve are very reasonably priced and make a refreshing change from the Fields Avenue bars.


Inside the black pearl.


A sign of the times. The Black Pearl diversifies and installs computers.


The very limited range of alcoholic beverages in Shadows Bar.


The drinks price list in Shadows, notice the limited number of imported alcoholic beverages.

Behind the middle room will normally be one or two short time rooms. The short time rooms or back rooms as they are alternatively called are very basic and will normally include a miniature towel, a bare light bulb and a rickety old bed. There will be a nightstand or a cabinet of sorts where the girls will keep rubbing alcohol and condoms if required, there will also normally be pictures of the special boyfriend or family members along with religious paraphernalia. These girls specialize in giving blow jobs but I have always found it rather disconcerting getting blown with Jesus looking on. The short time rooms are not exactly luxurious and in most cases they offer the bare minimum. There is no air conditioning unit just stand alone fans and the doors are made of plywood offering very limited privacy. Most of the room is taken up by the bed but there is always enough room for you to stand up and for the girl to kneel down. These rooms are by no means sound proof and it is not unusual to hear every detail of the activities going on in the room next door. Personally I have fond memories of many encounters in rooms such as these and I can even recall periods when they were cracking down on blow road which meant climbing over rickety old ladders into a pitch black open air area and there while hiding behind a lahar brick wall the girls would squat down and perform their oral antics. These rooms often double up as sleeping quarters for the girls and it if you go in for a blow job at a late hour it is not uncommon to have to wake up a number of sleeping beauties who when aroused will look up at you with sleepy eyes then scurry out of the room issuing child like giggles.

Here is a basic table of the drink prices in the Blow Road bars:


Gobbles and Honky Tonk bars
Local customer drinks 50p
Imported customer drinks 150p
Local ladies drinks 120p
Imported ladies drinks 180p
Short time 700p
Long time 1200p

These two bars are owned by the same person and represent the slightly more up market blow job bars. They have been renovated, the wet bar is better stocked and the short time rooms are slightly more clean and better maintained.

Other bars in this area include The Black Pearl Shadows and Heaven Bar. Their pricing is as follows.


The Black Pearl
Local customer drink 50 piso
Imported customer drink 120 piso
Local ladies drink 120 piso
Imported ladies drink (Tequila) 120 piso
Short time 700 piso
Long time 1500 piso


Shadows Bar
Local customer drink 50 piso
Imported customer drink 120 piso.
Short time 700 piso
Long time 1300 piso


Heaven Bar
Local customer drink 50 piso
Imported customer drink 120 piso
Local Ladies drink 120 piso
Short time 700 piso
Long time 1300 piso


Of these bars on Blow Road I have two personal favorites these being Shadows bar and Honky Tonk. I like Shadows bar because it has an old fashioned sort of ambiance and reminds me of my younger days when I was first experiencing the delights of Blow Road. Also I think it is important to note that in my experience Shadows has always had the best looking and good performing girls. I like Honky Tonk for completely the opposite reason. Honky Tonk represents the new Blow Road and as such it is cleaner and the social aspect of the guys having a drink together is more emphasized here.

Blow Road is in many ways an anachronism and harks back to the old days of sexual gratification on the premises. With the new hotels and condominium developments moving into the area people have prophesized that Blow Road cannot last in its current form. Whilst the logic behind these prophecies was sound the Blow Road bars seemed to have defied logic and they continue to carry on much as they have always done offering cheap customer drinks cheap ladies drinks and blow jobs in short time rooms out back. It is true to say that many Blow Road bars have increased their prices but these have only been marginal increases and it is still markedly cheaper than most Fields Avenue bars. Another change is in the physical appearance of the bars. The owners of bars such as Honky Tonk have spent a little money sprucing their establishment up but this is only a surface level change and once you get passed it and into the short time rooms out back the game is much the same as it always has been where licking and sucking are the order of the day.

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From Golden Nile to Gobbles.

Posted on October 7, 2010 by wpadmin

Just the other day I was chatting with Prince Charles and he was extolling the virtues of a little bar he had just discovered named Honey Ko’s. To put it simply the Prince was quite amazed by the raunchy atmosphere and the wild girls who knew no limits. Then after this he said the magic words, “Martin it’s carzy I never knew bars like that existed in Angeles”.

Now for me who has lived and visited Angeles for many years Honey Ko’s is just another bar but very obviously for Charles this was something new. After seeing his reaction it was then that I realized there are probably many people in the same boat as Charles and maybe a basic guide to the different sorts of bars would be handy for tourists. So without further ado it’s a quick thank you to Prince Charles for the inspiration and on with the guide.

Directly after Mount Pinatubo exploded the bar scene in Angeles was fairly basic and there was very little difference between one bar or another. Most bars featured a basic sound system, a solitary air-conditioning unit, a minimum number of dancers and a limited range of cheap booze. The bars ranged from basic hole in the wall blow job bars through to what (judging by today’s standards) can only be described as very basic go-go bars. The main customers back then were Americans and Australians as was shown by the vendors and street sales people who would hail you as “hey joe” or alternatively would say “gooday mate”. The expat community was decreasing in size as the Americans prepared to leave and the base was virtually out of commission due to the large amounts of volcanic ash (lahar) scattered everywhere. Occasional tourists seeking a cheaper venue than Manila would come up but mostly it was a very basic and some would say a dying bar scene.


As is clearly evident by today’s vibrant bar scene the bars didn’t die but in fact thrived and evolved. This evolution first started with the closure of Ermita in 1993. The closure of Ermita sent shock waves throughout the Philippines and throughout the mongering world. Many thought this would be the end of the bar industry as we knew it but in fact quite the opposite was true because like in so many aspects of life, the closing of one door prompted the opening of another. With the closure of Ermita some of the more forward looking bar owners cast their glances further afield and invested in Angeles. Of special note are Roadhouse bar, Illusions and La Bamba all of which were founded by people previously operating in Ermita.


These bars were important because they represented a monetary investment in Angeles, a sense of optimism, and to some extent they set a higher standard for other bars to aspire to. These bars represented well thought out designs and they along with Ziggys and Dreams were the first to employ multiple number of dancers and place an emphasis on the quality music systems, presentation of the dancers and maintenance of the actual bar. The Manila bars were one step up from the average Angeles bar and they were well maintained to prolong the higher standard.

From 1991 through to 1997 the bars slowly developed and eked out an existence but then a major player in the form of the Blue Nile group moved in with the building of Neros.


Neros was the first large bar with a center stage, an expensive sound system and over 100 girls. It represented a significant financial investment previously unheard of in Angeles and at the same was a harbinger of things to come in the very near future. This was commercialism reminiscent of Visions Superstar, Mistys, Firehouse and other large bars in Ermita. Neros also represented the beginning of a divergence of style between Perimeter road bars and those of Filed’s Avenue. Over the years this difference in style has become more and more pronounced and there is now a clear division between Perimeter road bars and Fields Ave bars.

After Neros and founded by the same company came Blue Nile Blue Nile Executive.


These were the dominant bars in terms of the number of girls they employed and the financial investment they represented. The Blue Nile Bar was the first big commercial bar where the girls were literally paraded on a hydraulically driven stage and the impersonal approach dominated as they actively sought the Asian Market. Many other bars also developed but the next real change was several years later with the emergence of the DollHouse group. The Dollhouse group developed big bars with more than one level capable of seating 100 people or more. They employed numerous girls and were the first to represent the big business aspect of girlie bars in Angeles. The Dollhouse group specialized in an impersonal approach catering for the mass market with numerous girls available 24/7 and a noticeable lack of foreign managers. Taking another leaf from the book of the Blue Nile Group they also specialized in choreographed shows and large, well publicized parties. Together the Dollhouse group and the Blue Nile Group represented what was in a way inevitable. The go-go bars had now changed from small to medium sized bars which were almost like a local pub with a few girls and an emphasis on the social aspects of mingling with one’s friends, to big business employing hundreds of girls complete with the glitz and glamour of modern day show business and a strictly impersonal approach.


In modern day Angeles there are literally hundreds of bars each with something unique to offer customers. Each bar has carved a niche in the market and has regular customers that appreciate the bar and what it represents. Due to time restrictions it is not practical for me to examine each and every bar in Angeles but instead I will give a general overview of the different types of bars (citing examples along the way)and what they offer the customers.

I have called this article From Golden Nile to Gobbles because apart from the alliteration aspect these two bars in my opinion represent totally opposite ends of the bar spectrum.



The first type of bars I will look at are the bigger show type bars. These include Blue Nile, Neros, Golden Nile, DollHouse, Atlantis, Crystal Palace, and Camelot, All these bars are physically large with many of them encompassing two or three separate levels, they all employ numerous amounts of girls, they all have various show groups of one sort or another, they mostly have a two tier bar fine system where one group of girls costs more than the other, they nearly all have the double ladies drink and they all have expensive sound systems and lighting. The emphasis in these bars is on glitz and glamor and showmanship.


On the positive side bars such as these offer a wide range of girls for the customers to meet and because you often have a greater number of new people flowing through the doors, each night can bring a different situation. When crowded the big bars also have a more lively atmosphere conducive to partying. On the negative side bars such as these are often little more than a meat market with little interaction between staff and customers. Lastly the drink prices are often higher than the less commercialized Perimeter Road bars and the double ladies drink will nearly always be present.


Next we have what I call the medium sized bars and these include Honeypot, Angelwitch, Roadhouse, Eager Beavers, Bodyshop, Tropix, Vortex La Pasha, Carousel, Owls Nest and Fantasy to name a few. These bars vary in size and also in what they offer.


Bars such as Angel-Witch and Roadhouse offer rock and roll music, a limited number of girls and proactive customer friendly foreigner managers. Bars such as these have a type of “local pub with girls” type ambiance and a large percentage of their business is regular clientele AC expats and long time tourists who have been visiting Angles for many years. Bars such as these act as a watering hole as much as they do a girlie bar and you can expect to find a group of regulars in there downing drinks, swapping tales and reveling in the old rock and roll music.

A second type of medium size bar as exemplified by Carousel, La Pasha and Fantasy are what I call the new breed medium size bar. These bars are slightly larger in area to that of Roadhouse or Angel Witch and they have what could best be described as a more commercial ambiance which is reflected by their clientele.


Generally speaking the music here is more modern and is played for the girls to dance to as much as it is for customer enjoyment. There is of course a healthy dose of music played for the customer especially in La Pasha but bars such as this cater for tourists as much as they do the locals so the ambiance is a little more high energy and commercialized. In these bars you can expect to find a greater number of girls as the bars make their income from bar-fines and ladies drinks as much as they do from customer drinks. The pricing in all these bars is much the same as the bigger bars of Fields Avenue and they do have the double ladies drink.

There is also a third type of medium size bar and they are bars such as Owls Nest, Eager Beaver and Honey Pot. Physically they are much the same size as the La Pasha group of bars and they have much the same pricing structure. But that is where the similarities end. These bars represent for want of a better term the old school. All these bars have been here under one name or another for over 15 years and in the case of Owls Nest for over 20 years. In these bars you can expect to find fewer girls and less razzmatazz. The pricing is slightly less than other Fields Avenue bars and the main type of customers are those who like to monger but shy away from the glitz and glamor of the more mainstream bars. Mostly the customers here are people that know the Angeles bar scene well due to the fact that they have been coming to Angeles or living in Angeles for many years. Generally speaking these customers are the ones who gravitate to the older style bars which represent the fond memories they have of yesteryear in Angeles.


These bars will nearly always take the role of a local pub with girls and will place an emphasis on income generated through customer drinks as much as and in some cases more so than income generated by bar fines and ladies drinks. In the course of any one night these bars normally have less customers than the mainstream bars and as a result you can expect the girls to be more friendly and a bit more raunchy as well as being a little more appreciative of your patronage. The general ambiance is less commercialized and there is less pressure salesmanship for things such as ladies drinks.

So far I have only dealt with the mainstream bars on Fields Avenue but there are many bars in Angeles which are in another league all together. The majority of these bars are in Don Juico Ave or Perimeter Road as it is colloquially referred to by the locals. Like Fields Avenue bars there is a variety of bars here ranging from the more commercial larger type bars as exemplified by Eruptions and Stargate through to the smaller hole in the wall bars that offer the very basics and nothing more such as Niftys and Rio’s.
The bigger bars are perhaps best exemplified by Stampede, Cherrys, Emotions and Eruptions.


All of these bars are within a comparatively close distance to Checkpoint which marks the end of Fields and the beginning of Perimeter Road. In these bars you can typically expect to find Perimeter Road prices which are approximately 20% cheaper than the Fields Avenue bars. There will normally be an emphasis on the regular social drinkers and indeed regulars make up a significant part of perimeter road bars market, much more so than Fields. The bars here have a sort of local pub feel but with girls which is why they have cheap SML and many will have draft beer.


In general the Perimeter Road bars will not have as many girls as the mainstream Fields bars but amongst the girls they do have you will nearly always find a “hottie” and in general the girls hare are experienced and eager to please. These bars range in style from the slightly glitzy Eruptions through to the older style Stampede. It is my experience that the girls here tend to be more friendly and approachable than in Fields bars but there is no where near the amount of girls that can be found in the bigger bars. The average customer age seems to be older and there is certainly a more laid back atmosphere where business is conducted at a much slower more relaxed pace. Most of the bigger Perimeter Road bars have an extensive range of alcohol and all the usual marketing tricks such as events, shows, raffles, ping pong balls etc. Perimeter Road bars tend to open earlier than Fields bars and a major part of their trading is done during the day.

A prominent feature of nearly all Fields Avenue bars is the so called managers table where a number of regulars will sit around and swap tall tales while watching the girls and the goings on of their favorite club. The managers table is important in that it sums up the approach of these bars and the market they appeal to. There are of course many tourists who visit these bars because the price is less but on a day to day basis these bars depend on and cater for the expat or regular visitor.


The next group of bars which can also be found on Perimeter road are the slightly smaller ones which appeal to the long term tourists and expatriates. Of course tourists visit them but these are very much dependent on the day to day business of regular patrons. Often these bars will attract people of the same nationality as the owners /managers. For example Dr Holmes which is owned and managed by Norwegians is very popular amongst Scandinavians customers whereas right next door in Eruptions they tend to have more Australian and American guests. Illusions on the other hand is a truly multicultural bar attracting patrons from all around the world but nearly all have one thing in common and that is they have been coming to AC or living in AC for many years.


Most of these bars will have a pool table and will be part of the local pool competition which is guaranteed business during the slow season. Again the emphasis here is on a friendly more laid back approach where the selling aspect is low key and the interaction between girls and customers is slower and more easy going. There is hardly ever pressure to buy ladies drinks and the atmosphere is more personal. These bars pricings are in line with other Perimeter Road bars and when visiting you can expect a heavy emphasis on consumption of alcohol as sales of this product forms a large percentage of their overall sales.
Some of the Perimeter bars can get fairly raunchy and the main one of these is HoneyKo’s . In HoneyKo’s they again rely on local expats and tourists who have been visiting the Philippines for numerous years and the prices are in accordance with that market. The girls here go through a fast learning curve and well know how to please their customers.


Again the emphasis here is on low cost drinks and local patronage and the only difference between here and other Perimeter road bars is that the girls are a bit wilder and more forward than in other Perimeter road bars. Topless shows and girls playing with various parts of your anatomy are a regular occurrence here. This bar is a bit more raunchy as can be its neighbor ThiHi and the girls are far from shy, in fact traditionally the girls in here will do just about anything to get your attention.


Lastly we have what I loosely refer to as the hole in the wall bars. These bars are generally smaller and offer the bare essentials only. Normally they will have one solitary air-conditioning unit, a few overhead fans, basic and limited seating, a limited number of girls the vast majority of whom are experienced especially in regards to oral activities and their wet bar stock is normally limited to the local alcohol with the occasional bottle of the more popular imported brands such as Johnny Walker black.



There will always be a limited sound system and the emphasis here is on maintaining the basics, there are not any set costumes and the girls can often be seen wearing boots, shorts and a skimpy top of any description. These bars mainly cater for people on a budget or people who have been residing or visiting Angeles for a long time. There is rarely a manger here as the emphasis is on quick sexual gratification rather than a social gathering.

One hole in the wall bar that is an exception to the rule is the Hangout. This, as the name implies, is basically a small outside drinking bar where many long term expats from all over the Philippines gather to have a drink or ten and basically hangout as they swap tales and watch the world go by. The emphasis here is on a social gathering with heavy consumption of alcohol this really is Angeles cheaper equivalent to the pub.


The prices here are on the lower side as would be expected given their market and there are only a few girls who work the inside bar. This bar is a leftover from days gone by and yet there is still a large number of modern day patrons who love this bar and make it their favorite watering hole. Tourists and newcomers are of course welcome here and it is a fact that by buying a round or two then just sitting back and listening to what the regulars have to say can be very informative, entertaining and instructional.

There are a number of different types of bars in Angeles and this article no doubt only scratches the surface. Indeed it was not my intention to do an in-depth report on all the bars of Angeles but rather just to give readers a broad overview of what to expect when visiting the different types of bars in Angeles city. For more specific information on some of the bars mentioned here please feel free to refer to the Asian Escapades bar review section.

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Angeles City Bar Waitresses

Posted on October 11, 2009 by wpadmin

Recently I paid a visit to Dr Guzman complaining of a sore throat and rapid hair loss. He took one look at me and said “young man it looks like you have waitressitis”. “Waitressitis” I said in a questioning tone, what the heck is that. Being a good doctor and not wanting to make a rash diagnosis he answered my question with a question. “You work in the bar right”? Yes doc I do” “and you have been raising your voice a lot particularly at the waitresses”? I thought about this and through overworked vocal cords replied “yes doc all the time”. “Well if that’s the case then it’s my considered medical opinion that you have waitressitis”.

Having been diagnosed with waitressitis I reflected on my times in the bar and it was with wry amusement that I realized just one night previously I had been yelling for a waitress and probably contracted the disease.

There I was sitting at the managers table with a few friends and it was my round so I looked around for a waitress but of course none were visible. I knew we had at least 15 waitresses on duty that night so I was not amused by their lack of appearance. I looked at Shagger and said “these f*&^%$ng waitresses are like taxies always hanging around when you don’t need them but never around when you need them” He looked at me with a knowing smirk and said “go check in the change room, mate”.

Following his suggestion I rose and walked to the change room to be greeted by 8 waitresses, 4 sitting around having a chat and a chow down, 3 waiting for the Bakla to do their makeup and 1 just surveying the whole scene.

Well this was too much for me and as the blood boiled I yelled “hey waitresses what the f*&k are you doing in here.” When they heard me yell they looked at me and the groups spokesperson replied, “daddy we on break time”. Now ordinarily I would have asked why do you all have to take your break time together but being here long I knew better so instead I politely asked “can I please have a waitress at the managers table right now, if it’s not too much trouble”. Instantly one waitress got up and took my order when I returned to the managers table. One hour later it was my round again and I looked for a waitress only to find two sitting just beside the table having a good old chin wag. I politely asked just loud enough to be heard over the music, “waitress” but as usual no one heard me so I had to yell at the top of my voice thus exacerbating my waitressitis.

Just recently I read Pok Pok boys thread called the role of waitresses and upon reading it I decided this would make a good topic for an AE column. Thanks in advance to Pok Pok Boy for the insightful thread which demonstrated his vast experience and inspired me to write down my own thoughts on this subject. Pok Pok boy, rest assured I will unashamedly plagiarize your post and expand upon your thoughts wherever possible.
In this article I will attempt to define the role of a waitress and also examine the reasons why there are so few competent waitresses in the AC bars scene. In so doing I hope I will pass on some useful information and at the same time come to a better understanding of the AC bar waitress myself thus saving my vocal cords and what hair I have left from wiatressitis.

The role of a waitress

So what exactly is the role of an AC bar waitress? In the normal world I would describe the role of a waitress as a woman or girl who waits on tables in a particular establishment. Put more simply a waitresses role is to serve drinks or food or both to customers patronizing the establishment she is working in.
Well that’s in the normal world but in the AC bars the role becomes somewhat expanded so much so that it requires analysis and sometimes explanations.

So what exactly is the role of waitresses in the AC bars? Well it just so happens that I have definite ideas on this as I have had many a meeting with waitresses and the following is what I tell them.

1: Her role is to serve customers their drinks and in some cases food.

2: Her role is to help the dancers get ladies and serve the dancers ladies drinks.

3: Wherever possible her role is to get ladies drink herself.

4: Since she is often the first point of contact with the customer it is also her job to entertain the customer with light hearted conversation.

5: In many bars the waitresses must look sexy and visually appealing, in fact, they are positively encouraged to go EWR.

Why are AC bar waitresses generally incompetent?

Ok so the job description sounds fairly basic and indeed it is, so why then is it so hard to find a waitress that can do her job properly. The answers are varied and detailed but for the purpose of this column I will try to list them and simplify them.

Pok Pok boy tackled this question by stating why waitresses are selected or hired and why girls want to be waitresses instead of dancers. In so doing he bought up some very relevant points as to why in many cases bar waitresses are incompetent at their job. I am not saying they are all incompetent in fact there are some very good waitresses but in my experience these are few and far between.

1: A girl will often become a waitress because she is a “long term employee” and past her prime as a dancer. Since she can no longer make money as a dancer she is “rewarded with a change in job description” and becomes a waitress. Basically when a girl reaches this stage she has very little options in the bar so this is seen as her last step and an easy way to make money.

A classic example of this is Evelyn a waitress in Neros who can supposedly suck a bowling ball through a garden hose. Yes she has well accredited oral skills but is a bit long in the tooth to be a productive dancer so as a result she has decided to ply her trade as a waitress.

2: The girl is a cute cherry girl that can get ladies drinks but doesn’t go out with customers hence she becomes a waitress where there is less emphasis on going EWR.

3: Thirdly there is what I refer to as the standby situation, this is where a customer steady barfines a dancer and for whatever reasons wants her to stay in the bar but not to go out with other men. Often the customer, the bar staff, the mamasan and the girl in question will opt for the better of two evils and rather than be a dancer seek a position as a waitress.
The so called standby situation has disadvantages and advantages. The major disadvantage is that even though she is a waitress and no longer dancing, she will still be exposed to bar life, peer group pressure and other men. In short whilst in the bar she will always have temptation and the modes of behavior she has learnt as a dancer will be reinforced.

The advantages are that the girl can still feel self worth in that she is earning a small income and has what is in her mind a legitimate job. Secondly she still gets to hang out with her friends in an environment she is familiar with and this stops her from feeling bored. Thirdly the besotted customer can now keep an eye on her, or so he thinks.

4: Often amongst Angeles bar girls there is very little comprehension of English and they are not good with slang or accents. Many times I have personally experienced a waitress who will not understand my order either because of her lack of English or because of my accent.

I can distinctly remember one waitress at Nero’s who we aptly named brain surgeon. One night a bunch of us were sitting round the managers table when I ordered a CC ginger for Shagger, a vodka coke for Jason, a Jim Beam diet coke for myself, a Rum Diet coke for Drummer and an SML for Netguard. Shagger looked at me and said “that’s more than one drink I bet you 500 peso she will get the order wrong”.

We waited 5 minutes but no drinks arrived so I looked around and there she was in an animated conversation with the bar tender. I walked up to her and said “let me guess you forgot the order” to which she replied “ooh po, sorry Daddy”. I then repeated the order and made her recite it back to me. Ok now she had it and I was sure the 500 peso was mine.
Another 3 minutes passes when Miss brain surgeon walks up to the table and asks, “on your Bill daddy”? Another 5 minutes passes by and then she saunters back with 3 drinks returns to the bar tender picks up two more and delivers them.

At this point I have a smile on my dial and confidently request that Shagger pay up. He looks at me and says “hang on a second I just have to check this out”. He takes a sip of his CC Ginger and says “there is something wrong with this, it tastes like shit”. I grab his drink and have a sip only to taste J&B with ginger. Close but no cigar and I could see the 500 peso leaving my wallet in a hurry. I looked at Shagger and said “well that doesn’t really count as she did get the whisky part right so let’s call it even” Drummer tasted his only to find whiskey coke, whilst Jason’s was Jack Daniels coke and mine was some strange concoction about as far away from Jim Beam as you could possibly get.

Ok I had to admit she had stuffed up big time so it was time to hand over the 500 to Shagger and then as I did so, amidst various expletives, Netguard looked at me and said “I don’t know what your problem is I got my SML”.

The brain surgeon was a classic situation of if you didn’t laugh you would cry. I remember to this day how Netguard and Jung were sitting at the managers table and Kim was trying to force Tom to drink beer. As such he called the brain surgeon over and ordered a SMB for Tom and an SML for himself. The brain surgeon waddled of and came back placing the SML in front of Tom and the SMB in front of Kim. I was just about to reach over and swap them round when Tom said to me “wait one moment” and called the brain surgeon over. He said to her “You have given us the wrong drinks, I wanted SMB and Kim wanted SML so can you please take these back and bring us what we ordered.” The brain surgeon looks at him vacantly, takes the drinks and gives them back to the bar tender. She then proceeds to tell the bar tender these are the wrong drinks they want SML and SMB not SMB and SML. The bar tender looks at her and suddenly breaks out laughing. At this point brain surgeon scratches her head totally unaware of why the bar tender is laughing looks at drinks and bang it dawns on her. With this she brings the beers back and says to Tom, “funny man you, what do you think to me, stupid?”

The lack of understanding English is a common problem and it is exacerbated by the Filipina habit of just walking away and not admitting that they don’t understand you because to do so would be a loss of face.

5: Lack of training. Lack of training occurs simply because there is no official training for waitresses. They are thrown into the job for the wrong reasons and are expected to learn as they go.

6: Lack of product knowledge. Because there is such strict lines of demarcation and such defined job boundaries the waitresses very rarely progress to bar tenders, as such they have no knowledge of the actual product that is being ordered. For example, many times I have found myself ordering a B52 shaken and unless it’s one of my regular waitresses this request will always be met with a blank stare and the obligatory scratch of the head denoting total bewilderment. Most often it is “ano B52” and the shaken part totally eludes them. If the waitresses had experience behind the bar actually mixing the drinks then they would no doubt have a much easier time understanding the orders, this however will never happen as the bar tender jobs are valued and jealously guarded.

7: They listen but they don’t hear. How often have I heard this said by expats who live here and deal with the Filipinas on a daily basis. So many times I have listened and watched customers ordering drinks only to find the wrong drinks being delivered. I always used to think this was a language problem and the mistakes were coming because the waitresses couldn’t understand English however this misconception was soon to be shattered when I came to work with James.

James is fluent in Tagalog and quite often he will order using this language. I remember one particular night walking into Neros to find him literally pulling his hair out. I asked him “what’s wrong” and he replied watch this. He then called a waitress over and in Tagalog ordered five Jager bombs emphasizing that they were on his bill. The waitress wandered off only to shortly return and ask “Daddy the bar tender wants to know why you order 5 bomba (Tagalog for bomb)”.

James patiently explains the mix of a Jager bomb and emphasizes they are on his bill. Two more minutes pass and an empty handed waitress returns asking “daddy your bill or the customers?”

8: A waitress has a perceptional advantage in that many customers perceive her as being a good girl as opposed to the dancers who are bad girls and high mileage. How many times have I heard customers and girls themselves state, “she worked in the bar as a waitress she was never a dancer”. Straight away the perceived implication is that she was not a whore, aka a dancer, but rather she was a waitress where she is perceived as being a good girl.

In my experience this perception is a false one and in fact the waitresses have often seen more action than the dancers. However the point is not to discuss whether the waitress are good girls or bad but rather to point out that there is a perceptional falsehood at work here and this is not a good reason let alone a necessary qualification for a girl to become a waitress.

Many girls see the position of waitress in the same way as the customers and therefore will strive to become one. Does this mean they will be good waitresses, on the contrary in my experience it means they will be bad waitresses because they do not really understand the duties and they just want to obtain this position because of how it is perceived.

9: Laziness or perhaps the path of least resistance is always a key factor for most waitresses. Let’s face it sitting in the corner, hiding in the dressing room, sleeping on the lounges, chatting up the DJ’s, eating a snack from the lady keeper or outside or having a good old gossip session is common place amongst AC waitresses and as such it has to be an easier job than dancing 8 half hour sets every night. The laziness aspect is exacerbated when they divide the bar into service stations. Often you will see a customer trying to get service from a waitress but she will just sit down and ignore his pleas and when asked why she will tell you “that is not my station”. This is a very handy excuse for one or two waitresses to do all the work whilst others sit and do nothing. There is no concept of teamwork or covering your fellow waitresses back.

10: Pok Pok boy in his post also pointed out that uniform plays a large role in why a girl would want to be a waitress instead of a dancer. Often you will hear them say “No I don’t like bikini” or “I like waitress uniform”. Noticeably when the girl tells you this she is invariably self conscious about a minor defect or flaw and she realizes the waitresses uniform will cover this up.

11: There is often less scrutiny on a waitress and as such she has less pressure to go bar fine, less pressure to secure ladies drinks and she can have more days off without being penalized.

12: The blurring effect. Part of the problem with waitresses is that the actual duties are a little bit blurred. This has occurred because they are encouraged to go barfine so in their mind they are half dancer, (working girl or as the Filipinos would say puta) and half professional waitress. This is clearly emphasized when you see a waitress who is good at waitressing. In the bars the waitresses who are good at waitressing are invariably the older girls who do not concentrate on bar fining. Of course there are a few pretty younger waitresses who manage to juggle the duties of waitressing and of bar fining but these in my experience are few and far between.

Sometimes the importance of the ability to barfine outweighs other considerations such as whether or not she would be good at her job.

One day when I visited the Executive I overheard daddy Bruce having a conversation with his mamasan regarding a new waitress the mamasan had just appointed.

Bruce: Mummy why did you give that dragon a job?
Mamasan : She nice girl daddy and she go bar fine
Bruce: So do the baklas in Santos Street and you don’t see them working here.
Mamasan: But daddy she nice girl and she money maker
Bruce: So are the baklas on Santos, now get rid of her.

13: The low salary. Waitresses traditionally are paid a very low salary and this is because they are considered non productive in terms of raising revenue for the bar, especially in comparison to dancers. Whilst the assumption of low productivity may be true in many cases the low salary is a deterrent for quality service. Bottom line here is that even if they perform their job well it will not gain them any more money. In short they have no incentive to be a good waitress.

What about the tips I hear you asking, well the unfortunate fact is in the majority of clubs the tips are centralized and divided equally amongst all the waitresses working that particular night. As a result the waitresses tips are not an incentive for the girls to work harder or learn their job to a professional standard.

14: The number of waitresses hired. For this point I will directly plagiarize Pok Pok Boy. “Like most Philippines hiring policies its hire 15 and hope 5 show up for work. That’s why some nights you see a number of waitresses sitting in the corner waiting their turn to serve and yet on other nights there aren’t enough to do the job! Go figure!.”

15: The Mamasan connection. Quite often a new troglodyte waitress will surface and when the manager looks in horror and asks who gave her a job, the answer will invariably be “mummy is the one”. I remember when I was working in Mistys and this particularly obese waitress with absolutely no English or comprehension of the job suddenly appeared. I was sitting next to Steve the manager of Nero’s at the time and I spotted her and asked in amazement what the f*%k is that? Steve followed my gaze saw the troglodyte and said “I bet she’s a friend of mummy’s”. I called her over and asked her “when did you start work” and she replied “sa gabi (tonight) daddy”, then I asked her “and who gave you the job” to which she replied, “mummy be the one”. I then asked her “don’t you think you are a bit old for this job” to which she replied “ooh ooh dad but my anak (child) have utang (loan) to mummy so work me now”.

The point here is not to blame her but rather to point out that the criteria for choosing who can be a waitress is often totally irrelevant to the job itself.

So far I have painted a fairly gloomy picture but the truth is there are several bars where the waitresses are efficient, courteous and well trained these include Roadhouse

La Pasha, Carousel, Roadies and to a lesser extent Champagne. Of these the one that stands out for me is Roadhouse. Noticeably the waitresses here do not go bar fine and they have experienced head waitresses who actually teach the newer waitresses how to do their job. Another bar that stands out is La Pasha and not coincidentally the waitresses here are average looking yet highly ranked in terms of service.

In the Blue Nile group they literally have a plethora of waitresses and some of them are very good however once again the good waitresses are the older ones who do not concentrate on bar fines but rather on serving the customers.

The quality of waitresses is often reflected by the owners or managers attitude towards the job itself. In the case of Roadhouse Mark puts an emphasis on quality service as does Neil from Roadies. Just yesterday I was in Roadies having a few beers with a couple of friends when I realized I had run out of cigarettes. I called the waitress over and asked for a packet of Winston lights. She promptly fetched them bought them over together with the bill and proceeded to neatly open the packet for me with one cigarette already slightly out, ready for me to smoke. To be honest I was pleasantly surprised by her courteous and professional demeanor so I left a healthy tip.

As anyone who has been here more than once will attest to, waitresses in AC are a unique breed and it is my sincere hope that this article in some part explains why they are this way and at the same time helps you the customer to understand them and as such deal with them more efficiently. If you have had a few laughs as well as gaining some useful knowledge along the way then I have achieved my objective.

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Chapter 5: The Anticlimax

Posted on April 29, 2009 by wpadmin
CHAPTER 5
THE ANTICLIMAX

We were spent. Both of us.
If you actually made it all the way through Chapter 4, then you know why I’m smiling as I type these words. Spent, yes, but neither Spinner nor I wanted to leave Miniloc Island. When I expressed that thought out loud, our departing outrigger captain offered up a very sincere scheme to call both the Philippine airline and my American business with a story of a sudden serious injury that would require a “couple more weeks” of hospital stay. (Dude has done this before!)
Long after reluctantly passing up this offer, the ITI turboprop glided gently into Manila, the fading orange sunset barely illuminating the singular profile of the Spinner and I. Our bodies clung together inside the airplane with the same natural, familiar bond of returning honeymooners. Spinner had just conquered her fear of flying on this fourth and final flight of our adventure. My assurances of air-travel safety finally paid off. She felt calm and sleepy in my arms. I smiled with my face quietly buried in her wonderfully wild hair as the plane drifted downward within a few feet of touchdown.
I sighed.

I flinched.
I fucking jerked!
My head snapped up just as both engines unexpectedly spooled up to full power just before any tires safely screeched onto the runway.
TOGA!
Take Off and Go Around. Emergency style.
The little craft struggled, shuddering at the flat altitude of 15 or 20 feet above the runway for a few seconds before finally pulling up into the sunset.
I madly goosenecked at the window, searching for the cause of our emergency ascent. Another plane on the runway? Couldn’t tell. Just then, during our crazy climb, I heard the unmistakable mechanical thunk of the landing gear, followed by the unmistakable rumble of the WIND through the landing gear.
Fuck.
I never heard any such wind-rumble on our approach.
Fuck.
We were just a few feet from making a truly spectacular BELLY landing on the Manila runway. Spinner smiled unknowingly, as most of my very pale face was hidden in her hair. I could hear all the echoes of my “flying is safe” speeches bouncing in my head as I hung onto the armrest with knuckles as white as those that Spinner displayed on Lt Kilgore’s speedboat. Earlier in this report, wrote that SEAIR sucketh. ITI might just be worse.

“Why the emergency TOGA?!” I drilled the pinay copilot who was maybe 19, after we were all safely walking together on the tarmac away from the plane. I already knew the answer. She hesitated. The pilot interrupted her.
“A warning light, sir. Don’t worry, we will get it serviced.”
“Bulla Bulla.”
“Sir?”
“BullSHIT! You FORGOT to deploy the landing gear.” He started walking away. “Warning light, my ass! Three wheels DOWN, three green lights ON. You almost did a belly-flop! Thank God there was still a little daylight- the tower probably spotted no gear, right?”
Captain Careful smiled back over his shoulder as he walked away. I knew that stupid smile. That was the stupid smile of a happy guy after an airborne airstart. I used that smile too. Fucker. Too far away for my heat/humidity speech.

Our ride through the darkness to Angeles in the back seat of the hotel car was quiet, intimate. I felt her lips in the dark before I felt her tears. I dropped Spinner off at her house with the happy exhaustion of a teenage boy on the morning after the high school prom. (minus the grass-stained dress) I was sad to part with her, yet I was happy to part with her. Hell, I was in Angeles City. I had one more night. (Whoo hoooo.)

Spinner and I slowly kissed goodbye, barely swaying in the silent darkness of her neighborhood to a soundtrack of sad music in my head. (My life seems to happen this way) It was “Love Hurts”, by Incubus. (sappy fucker, here) For an entire week, we shared emotions. We shared intimacy. We shared love. Yes, we shared love that was no phonier than the convenient “love” volunteered by most Western girls confronted by a man of means. No less significant. Funny how that works…

“Louie? Your girls are getting skinny,” I grinned with the surprise delivery.
Louie’s eyes held the contempt of Lt. Kilgore’s boat passengers forced to hear my singing. The Hawaiian pizzas arrived in Tender Touch as Louie rolled his eyes. It seems there was one previous UPI (Ugly Pizza Incident) involving a few Tender Touch girls hoarding several pieces while a few other girls went without. How was I to know when I ordered? (I think I identified two of the plump pizza pirates!) We all ate Hawaiian pizza because that’s the topping begged by Louie’s harem as I conducted my informal survey, while he was distracted with other customers.

Louie eventually introduced me to another AE member.
Docjaidee.
WHAT?? Holy shit! Doc??!!
Small world. How cool is Asian Escapades?
Yep, this particular Doc was the very same experienced AE member who answered a stranger’s PM regarding El Nido just a month earlier. I altered my island travel plans just a bit based upon Docjaidee’s wisdom. I now have to give him much credit for my amazing memories from Chapter 4. (Thanks, Buddy!)
Our AE house doctor, here, was back in Angeles just a bit early from his own Chapter 4- style visit to an island just south of my own Boom Boom Beach. Lagen Island, I think. I was still glowing so much from my trip to paradise with Spinner that Doc first eyed me with the careful distance that he might save for Mjibbo dressed in a skirt with full makeup. My colorful stories were all born from his recommendations. I was the student who finally met the master who steered me to paradise.
(did I mention that AE is truly cool?)

Eventually, we all embarked upon the ritual AE barhop including Louie, running into Shagger and Lewis the Hotelier along the way. (Lewis draws the women!) We stumbled through Lolipop, Vortex, Carousel, Cambodia, Neros, and Blue Nile Exec. Finally, after two trips to AC, I was on a REAL barhop… tasting tequila from titties, feeling feminine behinds in my lap, gazing in awe at Ronalie’s tricks with her friends. (me likey Ronalie, diba?) The sounds were shouts, squeals, giggles, and thumping music. The smells were beer, sweat, and the unmistakable pungent pleasure of transudated skin oil. Yep, smegma. Female variety. Maybe a little lime juice mixed in, found much higher on the body than expected. Smegma nipples?? Yummy! (who put that stuff THERE baby??!!)
As Louie and I stumbled into Carousel, I witnessed a shocking event. At the mere SIGHT of AC’s youngest pimp, I saw four or five bargirls faint. Fucking FAINT, I tell you. Just like a heard of those stupid fainting goats that fall over sideways when they are startled. Shit. MVPIMP truly has powers of some evil variety. Just when I was bowing down to the God of the Fainting Bargirls, we entered another bar where three other gyrating pinays suddenly started screaming and pointing at us like we were rock stars. Louie beamed. I shook my head with simultaneous respect and disgust. Louie proudly stepped in front of me to fully acknowledge his fan club, arms raised like Bono in a large stadium. One of the girls urgently waived him to the side and then they all pointed to me. ME? Louie looked back at me, arms comically frozen in false benediction. What?? HAAA. It seems that just being THE one white guy in Rock Star Louie’s entourage makes some of them wet. Good times. It was Louie’s turn to shake his head. It was my turn to be Bono. Haaa.

“SHAGGER!! I just barfined three lesbians!!” I shouted over the chaos surrounding Louie’s bodyshots with a pretty girl who looked to be about 18. (Barely.)
I received a wise yet reserved grin after my declaration. Let’s be clear: Dude knows stuff. I was on HIS turf, yet too Patron-fueled to grasp the subtlety in his smile that was fading into a smirk.
My three new lesbian friends were very happy to participate in my multiple bastos body shots. The tequila was flowing in… BNE? Maybe. I think so. It was a bit of a sticky blur. The music caused all three semi-nude bodies to sway while the tequila dripped into hidden places that increasingly occupied my lick-that-later mental notes list.

Two out of three limp-lesbians landed in my bed and one limp-lesbian landed in the (empty) Jacuzzi. I was truly infatuated with one of the carpet-munchers, but there was very little carpet-munching that occurred that night. I woke naked, next to two of my fully-clothed companions, and contemplated the Spinner/tequila mathematics that I ignored in Chapter 3. Seems like I suck at math in South East Asia. My little cutie woke earlier than her hungover cohorts, though, and salvaged her tip as I submerged MY tip.

I was NOT yet ready to let go.
One more Sunday afternoon in AC found me at the white-washed Lewis Grand Hotel for the first time. The previous night, I had shared the man-in-paradise-grin with Lewis, and was determined to see his hotel. I instantly understood his disgust at my response to his previous “where are you staying” question. Wow. I found my obvious accommodations for my next trip. Who knew? (okay, YOU guys knew!)
The mellow Sunday Lewis Grand pool party included amazing food (seriously-spicy wings!), cold SML, and many AE regulars. While I was again making goo-goo eyes at Ronalie, Shagger spoke up.
“Mate, you were very excited about your lesbians last night!(?)”
“Well, yep, I had all KINDS of plans, based upon mr_bastos pictures,” I replied.
“And?” came the now-familiar sideways Shagger smirk.
“And they all passed out from too much tequila,” I shrugged sheepishly.
”Ohh, I NEVER give the girls tequila,” Master Shagger declared.
I squinted at Ronalie the Tequila Girl like Phoenix might squint at dad’s naked girls in the rain in his backyard. My very hungover brain sensed an oxymoron, yet was not even prepared to spell “oxymoron” at that moment.

The afternoon pool party was fun, but at first lacked the proper quantity of submerged labia. I had just asked Louie which nearby bars could cure balls that were a bit lonely and blue when the other famous Lewis Grand hotelier, Pateng, walked right up.
“ I hear you want to barfine a few girls?”
“YES!” I exclaimed to Bobby, who shared my crazy-eyed vision.
It turned out that Mr. Bobby Pateng, here, was tight with the Geckos manager and merely a phone call produced the requisite wet labia. We both barfined a few, and the party cranked up a notch.
I spent the early afternoon of my final day truly in awe of Lewis, Bobby, and Mr. DJ Dude.
I spent the late afternoon of my final day perfecting underwater tickling of the cherry girl among the Geckos girls.
I spent the evening of my final day reluctantly flying back home.
The Post Philippine Depression kicked in while I was still on the plane.
My PPD won’t fucking let up.
Look out.
I’m coming back!
(ooh hey, and look out, the sky is fucking blue!)

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Chapter 3: The Impossibly Cyan Sea

Posted on April 25, 2009 by wpadmin
CHAPTER 3
THE IMPOSSIBLY CYAN SEA

“Whoa.”
It was all I could whisper to myself, as the tiny turboprop teetered through white cumulus cotton down to the almost-too-short Caticlan runway. Minutes before, somewhere just under 9700ft with my nose pressed flat to the cold window ala Ronalie (mmm, me likey Ronalie), I had been treated to a spectacular aerial view of the famous Boracay white beach. I was truly in awe of the intensely saturated cyan colors of the shallow, warm Sulu Sea. Cyan, indeed… turquoise, maybe. But NOT fucking AZURE (blue), as in my Philippines travel book. It was penned by the same drab author who wrote about the “sad expatriates in Angeles City who sit alone watching dancing prostitutes”. Dumb-ass on all counts. Saturated Cyan, I tell you. Would my digital camera even CAPTURE this splendor?

Then I smiled. It was a postcard that I really wanted to share, but Spinner was pocket-blocking my camera. She couldn’t hear my “whoa” whisper over the droning Hamilton Sundstrand propellers, as her pretty head was still in my lap- initially hiding like an ostrich from the fear of her first flight, then studiously practicing for the entrance exam to the Mile High Club, Air-Start Chapter. There were only four passengers, and luckily we were farthest back.(!) This trip quickly introduced me to the unabashed malibog nature of my most petite companion. It also quickly introduced both of my wet-behind-the-ears estrogen-fueled friends to the confusing mechanical puzzle of the metal airplane seatbelt clasp. I grinned. First time in a plane. All three of us were destined to learn a few things on this trip. I glanced two seats forward to innocent Chastity’s alluring teenage silhouette, while her hungry cousin’s lips surrounded my prop shaft. It was indeed MY idea to bring along the cherry girl college student, who would never DREAM of setting foot in the Angeles bars of her older cousin. There was a tantalizing freshness to her flirting, her smell, and there was a toga-clad devil sitting on my shoulder who was speaking in the tone that Homer Simpson reserves only for doughnut flavors. (Mmmm, cheeerrry)

Our sweaty trio was cheerfully met at the terminal by carefully rehearsed 5-star resort smiles from our driver and porter. A 30 minute van-boat-van sequence led us to the ass-end of the stark white, very modern Discovery Shores Resort. Did I mention that this trip was going to be over-the-top? (don’t remember) If you haven’t been there, Discover Shores Boracay is one of the hotels listed in that little hardcover book: “Small Luxury Resorts of the World”. You get the picture here: two poor young girls get dragged from the slums, and then sent straight to the palace. Good times.

We could all die tomorrow; therefore we should all live well today.
We should flip the bird to the former and include beautiful girls in the latter.
(Okay, I’m done with my bastardized mantras for a while.)

Yep, this place was definitely on the obscene high-end of hotels in Boracay, especially when you could score an economy hotel room right down on same the amazing white beach for about the price of a spotlight girl barfine. Our suite was also similar in cost to a barfine… a barfine for an entire cultural dance troop! (hmm, new idea, here, dance troop barfine…)

“Sir, I’m here to wash your feet” blurted the pretty pony-tailed white-clad pinay who slithered in behind us as the bellhop dropped the luggage upon first entry to the hotel room.
“Ummm… whaaat??”
“Your feet, sir. Please sit down,” she nodded at the huge wooden foot-laundering bowl on the floor next to three pairs of white cotton slippers.
For some reason the two girls straight from the province and I all arrived at the same response at the same time.
“No thank you” we chorused.
Puhleease. Feet?? I’m gonna wash my feet in that friggin warm waveless ocean about 100 meters West of here! Bada bing, dammit.

We splashed into the salty cyan bathwater of the sunny Sulu Sea with all the eagerness of three freshly tagged game fish with oxygen-starved gills. (yes, CYAN, dammit) As Chastity frolicked in the water beside me, it only seemed natural to hug Spinner in front of me and give her a salty kiss. It only seemed natural for her legs to wrap around me. It only seemed natural to slip her bikini to the side and make face-to-face boom boom in front of her cousin and 25 odd tourists in the morning sun.

“Don’t bounce… just stay still!” I urged between laughs.
We were long-parted North and South poles from two different magnets. Hard NOT to bounce. Spinner was tiny, hot, accommodating, and much more slippery than mere salt water should be. She felt like heaven upon initial entry. Both of my hands supported her ass as one finger tickled her o-ring. Just over Spinner’s shoulder, I locked onto Chastity’s eyelids which widened slightly just before she broke our stare and glanced left and right with the concerned cop-scoping gaze of a teenager driving with open alcohol. It wouldn’t be the last time that she and I locked eyes while I was inside her cousin. The water safely hid our connection from any beachgoers 100 meters away. Right next to us, however, Chastity’s innocent eyes were at a different angle altogether.

Showers, naps, and a sunset filled our first day, as did the sea, shower, Jacuzzi, couch, and bed. Chastity watched our intimacy with the curiosity that only a virgin could summon. Spinner and I grew closer and closer, until our love making exhibited the same synchronization that our laughter did.

After dinner, the three of us ventured south from our hotel on the dark white sand until we stumbled upon Guilly’s Island: bar, disco, beach grill. The thump-thump bass line led us in and the tequila body shots held us captive. We danced, we drank, we flirted, we laughed. The three-way dirty-dancing was oddly lust-filled. Chastity had no boyfriend and her cousin was willing to share me, yet there was a certain selosa flavor to the Angeles-style three-way kisses. I had no conscious cherry-picking penchant, but there WAS that toga-sporting devil on my shoulder. The little evil dude likes tequila. The other tequila hound was Spinner. She proudly matched me body shot for body shot. Completely sticky, we all stumbled back onto the sand in the wee hours for the trek back to the hotel. Spinner descended the Guillys steps and promptly collapsed into a comatose heap. Had I done the math, I would have simply realized that a girl who weighs less than HALF my weight cannot drink the SAME amount of alcohol and still deal.

I slung the limp Spinner over my shoulder as Chastity walked beside me. I looked up and down the beach with visions of a stomach pump and activated charcoal for my tiny little rubber friend who was dead to the world. I vaguely remembered a dentist office/24 hour emergency clinic on the main road. I carried her lifeless body a few hundred meters, dropped to the sand for a rest, and then she jerked to life only to leave her entire dinner on the beach. At this point I suddenly realized why Chastity came along. She expertly held Spinner’s long hair back in the ancient tradition on the friend of the suka girl.

Morning found me next to Spinner on the couch, as I stayed awake next to her through the night, visions of John Bonham in my head. She made clever use of the decorative foot-bath bowl in ways that would make the foot-bathers grimace. She popped to her feet showing new life with the sunrise, as if ready for a morning jog, asking for breakfast.
“Of course you want breakfast, you gave your dinner to the fishes” I groaned.
“What?”
“Do you remember walking back to the hotel?”
“mmmmm” she tried to remember, hands to head.
“Of course not. I CARRIED you!”
“mmmm, really? How about pancakes?” she deadpanned.
“Aye animal!”

We lounged on beach chairs that day which included our personal manservant who fetched drinks, folded crumpled shirts, and cleaned sunglasses. The next night was filled with SML sipping for me and chocolate shakes for the girls. We saw a band, sang karaoke, and retired to the Jacuzzi where the underwater boom boom in front of the cherry girl evolved into a family affair. At some point the three of us ended up on the big bed. Chastity pretended to sleep at first while the two love birds did their thing next to her. She seemed too shy to join in but too interested, urgent to push away. There was a certain ensuing exhibitionist excitement mixed with innocent curiosity that left everyone wet and me quite dehydrated.

Chasity left Boracay a virgin.
Pretty sure.
She did not leave innocent, however.
Spinner and I left Boracay as very intimate friends… ready for another island… with just the two of us…

CHAPTER 3 ADDENDUM
SEAIR SUCKETH

Almost forgot.
SEAIR. Turds.
How could I forget?

We reversed the Boracay van-boat-van sequence and found ourselves back at the tiny Caticlan airport for a really convenient flight back to Clark. Just over an hour. No brainer.

When I presented our boarding passes to the SEAIR agent, she blinked at the laser-printed paper. She blinked at me. The paper again. Me again. Before I could ask, she ran to another little counter across the room with my printout. A group of four young probable SEAIR employees without matching shirts huddled together, each excitedly grabbing at our boarding passes. The shark feeding frenzy suddenly ended as all four heads slowly lifted to look at me with the same concern that a group of nurses might share while trying to elect a fatal-news messenger among them. The trouble I smelled was enhanced by the humidity. I could feel my old-fart voice spontaneously warming up.

“Sir, your flight is canceled,” blurted the girl who must have drawn the short straw. “But its okay, we will put you on a later PAL flight to Manila instead.”
“How is that okay? Have you ever BEEN to Manila?” I replied.
“Sir?”
“How do we get back to ANGELES?” (easy, bud)
“A van sir. We will provide a van at no charge to you.”
“No charge?! WOW. My golly. Thank you!!” I smiled.
She smiled back, devoid of all sarcasm-perception skills.

I had guessed that the plane coming from Clark had no passengers that afternoon, so they just didn’t fly it. Hell, there were only four of us on the way down.

“You failed us, ma’am,” I uttered quietly, wiping the smile from the rocket-surgeon girl’s face. I wasn’t angry. I WAS going to have a little more fun, though. I was owed.
“Sir?”
“Your company. SEAIR. You failed us. You have my email address and cell phone numbers, yet you failed to get any sort of message to us about the cancellation. Text. Do you know what a text message is?”
“Sir, the system didn’t have your information,” she replied.
“The SAME system that printed out all of that information onto the paper I just gave you? That system?” I asked, eyebrows raised.
“It seems it forgot your information, sir.”
“It forgot??”
“Yes, sir.”
“It forgot…”
“Yes, sir.”
“The computer forgot?”
“Yes, sir.”

I was laughing WAY too much to pull off a decent old-fart voice at this stage. The rocket surgeon girl would just have to discover the science of heat versus humidity without my coaching.

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Chapter 2: My Visit to the Province

Posted on April 22, 2009 by wpadmin
CHAPTER 2
MY VISIT TO THE PROVINCE

Province? What??!!
I know what you’re thinking:
There had better be a goddamned BLUE LAGOON in this here goddamned province!
Nope.
Chapter 4, maybe?

Some wise AE author on this thing once wrote that time is quite accelerated in Angeles City. Hell, LIFE is accelerated. I think he was referring to the fact that a second barfine with the same girl is sort of the AC equivalent to getting engaged. I would guess a trek to the province to meet the family is pretty much the equivalent of a wedding, in that line of thinking.
Therefore, I guess I’m sorta married now.
Wait. I’m getting way ahead of myself. We haven’t even gotten past the morning Walk-of-Shame with Miss Slutty Straps from Chapter 1…

Perpetual smiles.
Mjibbo’s Vortex Vixen who was strutting around in the slutty strappy shoes spent most of her time in my room radiating the pure smile of a girl who was just plain happy inside. I found this to be very endearing in an oddly powerful, sexy way. Oh sure, you guys now think I am merely reciting the mantra of the friend-of-the-American-fat-girl: “she has a great personality!” Well… this girl DID have a great personality, and she was hot. Sue me. I kind of dug that, in a sexual way. (Weird? Yes, weird for me too.)
Alright, MAYBE her grin was just a result of my clever peanut-tickling technique. I win either way. (peanuts are great snacks)

SPLAT.
The sloppy gray “omelette” that dropped onto my side of the neat white breakfast table in the hotel’s cozy restaurant did not entertain my curiosity as much as the deafening female body language echoing all around me. Miss Slutty Straps slowly ate her rice, chin raised high and proud, occasionally trading glances with the roaming waitress and the two receptionists within view. These flying glances carried no cargo of friendship whatsoever. It was a war. A loud war with much shouting and shooting, yet it was obviously very quiet to all the oblivious men at other tables who were also treating their conquests to a morning farewell meal.
It all started with the Walk-of-Shame. You know: You take that morning stroll past the sexy receptionist with your barfine who is styling in the same outfit in which she arrived at 2am, except that her hair is still wet from the shower needed to remove all traces of wayward man-butter. You’ve been there, yes? Well, it SHOULD be the Walk-of-Shame by Western standards. I’m convinced the tables are turned in AC, however. It seems to be a friggin Walk-of-PRIDE instead. Every time. The paid female companion seems to enjoy a temporary rung on the social bamboo ladder just above the receptionist, and clearly above the waitress. Fascinating. I was so content to observe this non-verbal status jousting, that my fingers almost reached for my Moleskine to take notes like a good embedded reporter.
Wait.
Shit.
The clock.
It was almost time for the switch. Gotta make the switch!
“Check, please!”

Trike of tricks.
After swiftly executing the classic anti-bamboo-telegraph hotel switch-a-roo move, I waited for my reunion with Spinner while lounging next to the Wild Orchid pool. I was becoming quite anxious to see the sweet little girl whom I left a few months back. Mid-afternoon, several SMLs later (Pilipino-time, here), I was summoned to meet a trike in front of the hotel. As I cautiously approached the rusty yellow tricycle with the impossibly opaque windscreen, I was compelled to glance left and right, expecting to hear circus music. You see, there were suddenly SO many bodies pouring out of the tiny vehicle, I was convinced that THIS little three-wheeled death-wagon was actually one of those clown-cars that magically transports a dozen jugglers into the big ring, Chinese fire-drill fashion. My startled blinking eyes and incredulous half-smile must have sparked the round of laughter that Spinner’s entire extended family employed as their greeting. I didn’t take a good head-count because I was busy writing a new Dr. Seuss book in my head, entitled “Big Peeps, Little Peeps, and Peeps In Between”. After the stun wore off just a bit, put on my best John McCain face and began kissing babies and shaking hands, amidst the incessant cat-calls of the blow-job bargirls across the street. Surreal. I wouldn’t say rude. I would say Angeles City. Spinner ignored them, yet was still just a bit shy in front of her big family, though her hug was filled with that healing affection that I remembered from months back. I gazed down at her close-up with the un-jaded eyes of admiration that one Phoenix might reserve for the one most beautiful girl in the bar. (I see much, my young friend) Her warmth took me back a few months to a tearful goodbye in the very same spot. My God, she felt good in my arms.

I finally ponied up some pesos for Father Clown, whose role was also driver. Go figure. He sped away, but only after the entire clown troop executed the inverse Chinese fire drill, and loaded up the trike. Well, the entire family that is, except for Spinner and her two cousins. I had agreed to allow the other two girls to hang out in the pool with us for the afternoon. Smelling just like the classic AC under-aged scam setup, I checked both cousins’ IDs to their amusement. I was reasonably satisfied, but still practicing my Station 4 speech for the Chief Inspector Louie, hopeful that the good exchange rate would get me out of jail without killing all my savings.

A sunny, humid afternoon in the Wild Orchid pool was just what Spinner and I needed to become reacquainted. Her soft touch, her honest laugh, her smell, her taste… it all came back to me as I could hear the blood rushing in my ear drums. (Okay, the blood was actually rushing downstairs somewhere.) I was tasting life again. This tiny, curvy girl had that exact effect on me. The three cousins swam with all the grace of three girls who grew up in a land-locked city without pool privileges. Still, there is a good reason that Freud was convinced dreams of water were merely dreams of sex. These clumsy girls displayed enough slow motion underwater sexuality to fill many of my dreams for nights to come.

Swimming like a rock.
I was only mildly concerned that I was about to tow a girl with limited swimming skills to an island- the kind of island completely surrounded by water. You know the type. I was even more concerned that Spinner’s little cousin had NO swimming skills. Zero. Zip. Nada. Thankfully, the Wild Orchid pool is not as deep as the Sulu Sea. Why did I care about the little cousin?
Because she was going with us to Boracay. (!)
Bang.
Did I say TWO tickets to paradise? I meant THREE.
“What the fuck. Are you crazy??” exclaimed the voice in my head.
“What the fuck. Are you crazy??” exclaim you readers of my story.
Yes. Crazy. Probably.
I shall dub Spinner’s little 18yo cousin “Chastity”. Yep, Chastity.
Aw, crap.. a CHERRY girl??
Yes. A cherry girl. Not only that, a cherry girl who is a college student, NOT a bar girl. I like her. I LUST after Spinner and I LIKE her little cousin Chastity. Call me weird. I’ve been called worse.
But BORACAY?
Sure, why not? (This story goes even farther over-the-top. Stay tuned…)
I shall dub the other cousin Miss Odd Girl Out. I believe that four is a crowd for a trip like that, and Miss Odd Girl Out missed out on any sort of plane ticket. A fellow has to draw the line SOMEWHERE, or else the clown-car Chinese fire-drill scene would just keep repeating like Groundhog Day, only the setting would be an exotic beach resort.

My Province Trek.
If you haven’t figured it out by now, the province in question here was Pampanga. That’s right, my little Spinner is from Pampanga. A local girl. (“aw shit”, I can hear it now.) If I had conducted the original barfine interview on my cherry trip with the official prescribed barfine list of questions, then I might have known this from the start. Don’t get me wrong, I would have still completely ignored the common advice against local girls, utilizing the very same shrug often tossed by an expat with a latex allergy to a lecturing mamason. I march to my own iPod, if you couldn’t tell. (that’s my story, I’m sticking with it)
That evening, Father Clown’s rusty yellow trike returned to the same spot on the same red paver-stone driveway in front of the hotel. This time he was lacking the entire clown troop as well as any hint of clown music. His death-wagon was empty and beckoning as was his smile at his potential white-monkey meal-ticket. Spinner, Chastity, Miss Odd Girl Out and I all piled in.

I really had no idea that the back roads of Angeles and surrounding towns were all unmarked and indistinguishable by Western eyes. My life was now completely in the hands of this old guy driving a smoky overloaded trike deep, deep into the bowels of Angeles. Or Mountain View. Or some other town with a fancy name that matched its true appearance like my loud board shorts matched my quiet T-shirt. Who knows where the hell I was? I began to compose my epitaph in the growing darkness to keep my mind off my increasingly bruised kidneys.

The four of us finally arrived in a sloppy, muddy “parking lot” in the pitch black, in the middle of nowhere, piled out, and walked down three dirt paths that doubled as sewage canals. Ok, maybe gray-water, not so much the black-water? Dunno. The strong funk was hinting at the latter. Was my nose extra-sensitive that night? There was suddenly an ancient voice inside my head. (“Its not the heat, it’s the HUMIDITEE”) In the dark distance I could hear someone’s videoke box complete with the amplified dissonance that comes with two tone-deaf singers. (Why is that fun?) I had a lot of trouble resisting the urge to shout “Anyone up for a card game?!” As you can see, I have very little respect for the Grim Reaper. Bring it on.

Spinner’s huge family was gracious, hospitable, and funny. Really funny. Her 70yo grandmother had the hots for me. That is EXACTLY the kind of humor that tugs at my heart and I laughed until I needed to re-hydrate. Lacking any bottled water at this residence, I urged Spinner and Chastity to finish packing for Boracay.
After a hundred goodbyes and not one card game, we retraced our journey down the river Styx, and miraculously ended up at the Wild Orchid. My epitaph would have to wait.

Spinner and I quickly ushered Chastity into her own private room at the Wild Orchid. I was NOT going to miss our 8:00am SEAIR flight to Caticlan the next morning because of another detour through the bowels of Angeles. I told cherry Chastity to txt her boyfriend that she had a nice room for the night, all to herself (I remember being 18!).
No boyfriend.
Hmm.
Spinner and I retired to a different room altogether. The love we made that night was the urgent style of a couple unduly separated by time and distance. She felt like heaven. She felt more like home than home. I dig Spinner. You already knew that.

5:00am
Bleep bleep bleep.
What the fuck? Its still dark!
I blame SEAIR. Fuck SEAIR. Our 8:00am departure from Clark to Caticlan (Boracay) was tagged on their website as having check-in at 6:00am. Skeptical, I set the alarm at 5:00am. Spinner, Chastity, and I piled our sleepy asses into the waiting car at 5:45am and arrived at Clark Field exactly at 6:00am. The security guards laughed and told us to take a seat outside, as the terminal would not even open until 7:00am. Actually, 7:30 would have been fine.

Well, the extra hour of sleep would have been nice, but still- the price was right. It was only about P5,800 per person, round-trip. I was gung-ho to get out of Angeles. Don’t get me wrong, I do love the bar scene, the male bonding, the GIRLS. It’s just that Angeles City is exactly 75 minutes away from one of the top-ten beaches in the world, and I now had a female companion (or two) with whom to share it. I just cannot let go of a chance for humor, though…

“Ma’am, your website states that check-in is at 6:00am”, I blurted out to the sleepy yet sexy young SEAIR ticket girl, upon check-in.
“Sorry, sir, that time is meant more for Manila.”
“But we’re not in Manila are we? We’re in Clark, yes?”
“Diosdado Macapagal Airport, sir.”


“Don’t you think you should somehow inform Clark passengers of the difference? My maganda harem, here, coulda used a bit more sleep, what with all the boom-boom, diba? Don’t YOU like to sleep after boom-boom?”

“Sir?”
“What time did YOUR alarm go off?”
“mmmm”?
“Your alarm. Ours went of at 5 friggin am. Do you see our problem?”
“Sir? I’m sorry.”
My eyes closed indignantly right before the “remember where you are” voice inside my head started again.
“Its not the heat, missy. It’s the HUMIDITEE!”
“Sir?”
(score two for me)

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Chapter 1: Santa Claus Muffs the Delivery

Posted on April 20, 2009 by wpadmin
CHAPTER 1
SANTA CLAUS MUFFS THE DELIVERY

THUNK.
Both the shiny 747 door and my dull senses sprang to life at the jet way in Manila like Chinese synchronized divers leaving a tiny splash upon entry.
THUNK.
What IS this magic, I pondered as the airplane hatch came to rest. It all came back in a flash- the sights, sounds, . the SMELLS. Aha! The smells. At once, I was assaulted with the familiar odors of Manila. Bitter smog, pungent rotting tropical vegetation, rotting garbage…maybe a malfunctioning sewage treatment plant… all the other foul smells. I scrunched up my nose as I realized it was the humidity that intensified the local funk. Leaving the PAL airliner, I stared back at the pretty pinay flight attendant who welcomed me to Manila. Pausing in front of her, I slightly violated her personal space and donned my best crazy-eyed Roupa-gaze. I then summoned my trusty 90 year-old grumpy toothless voice while blurting out the anthem of the American Midwestern elderly:
“It’s not the HEAT, missy. It’s the HUMIDITEEE!”
She battled my loud cliché with the same confused blink that was once wielded by the lead singer of a Filipino bar band after I shouted “Free Bird!!” (hell, nobody really wants to HEAR “Free Bird”, it’s a JOKE, dammit) She was neither amused nor offended. Confused.
Hee. (!)
Score one for me. (my game. my rules.)

I guess I was just a bit cranky after sitting on the Manila runway for half an hour because the fucking STEERING would not work on the plane’s landing gear upon touchdown. Nice.
“Check the hydraulic maintenance records, Captain!”, I shouted to the PAL 747 pilot with the same old-fart voice I had used on the flight attendant. He mumbled some excuse while smiling like a clumsy Dollhouse waitress sporting spilled SML on her skirt. Then, there was a soft, paternal voice inside my head: “remember where you ARE dude”. This trip was still quite young—many more pilots at whom to yell, more voices inside my head. I had ten days this time. No, not a marathon, but definitely not the four-day puki- sprint of my cherry trip. (relax, bud)

Looking back, now, I really couldn’t have been TOO grumpy that morning, as I was grinning at the nasty north-bound Manila traffic from the back of my Margarita Station car with the same toothy grin that Prince Charles aims at Vortex Vixens still sticky from tequila. My grin was possibly widened slightly by the three ice cold San Miguels, which the brilliant peeps at Marg Station had placed in the back seat knowing full well that 7:30am was exactly beer-thirty for a guy who had just spent a very long night sitting on a plane next to a very big American stranger whose legs were not made for coach. The dull brown morning haze of Manila could not hide the familiar visual chaos of Jeepneys, motorcycles, buses, and those damned pedestrians playing that curiously casual traffic game of Frogger, wherein the loser gets death by vehicle-induced blunt force trauma. Good times.

Northbound. NLE.
The stubborn honking of Manila traffic chaos slowly faded to much quieter rich green rice fields peppered with bored looking water buffalo in the bright morning haze. The putrid, polluted rotting city smells gave way to less-offensive rotting country smells. (“It’s the humidity, Missy!”)

Passing the huge new SM Mall construction outside Angeles, I pondered my first challenge: The Bamboo Telegraph. My plan was to meet up with Spinner the NEXT day, giving me one day/night to meet a few AE blokes, deliver a few gifts, and get a good night’s sleep. (well, okay, the FIRST two goals were sincere) I won’t call Spinner my GIRLFRIEND, here… maybe my steady GFE. Sumpin like that. Regardless, I know many of you handle the barhop-without-the-GF situation with honesty, but I wanted one night to myself in AC without even a conversation about it to spoil our trip to Boracay. Oh. Did I mention Boracay? Yes, I was slightly confident that there was maybe ONE maganda girl in AC that would go to Bora with me if the Bamboo Telegraph caused the very maganda Spinner to flip-out about my one-day early covert ingress. Simple supply/demand, diba? Eddie Money had my back here. I had two tickets to paradise in my pocket. They weren’t winning Lotto tickets, but certainly as good as Scratch-and-Win cards with all 777s. I knew I wanted to take Spinner, but if things went South, I was pretty sure Mjibbo could have found me a replacement. (dude has skeels)

After the hotel, my first stop was Shano’s. It was mid-morning, I was sweaty, and I badly needed a Guinness. Actually, I was curious to see the very friendly Shano’s waitresses, especially the one who bruised my pubic bone months earlier. I wasn’t sure what to expect as I entered. I was one of only two thirsty customers at that early hour, and the waitresses flocked to my table with the eagerness of a huge Monitor Lizard attacking a gourmet lunch. (future chapter reference) I didn’t see Pubic-Bone-Bruiser, but several of the other waitresses remembered me and then the fun began. Ladies’ Drinks at 10:30am just seemed natural. The girls were quite spirited, flirty, and again pretended to be infatuated. (Fine by me.) The new beautiful face in the crowd was a cherry girl. A friggin 22 YEAR OLD cherry girl. Whoa. Three Guinness’s later, the flock suddenly ran from my table amid giggles, huddled around the long-in-the-tooth but huge-in-the-eyes cherry girl, and returned with mischievous grins all around. The flock wanted ME to take away the cherry of the cherry girl. My jaw dropped almost as wide as my eyes bulged, focusing on those of the maganda babe in question. She stared back, smiled shyly, and slowly nodded. Her story involved something about a slick Korean dude who offered up a bucket of cash, but wouldn’t be back for many months. I was elected to do the deed with the speed of her need. I think young Louie could possibly explain what was going on here, but I wasn’t destined to meet him until later that night. I was confused. I was torn. (SIC) This young lady had these big brown eyes that just made me melt inside.
Well.
I couldn’t.
I’m not sure what Kimchee does to one’s soul (evil fermentation?), but I just COULDN’T take away this beautiful girl’s virginity, and walk away from the emotions.
It just wasn’t in me.
My eyes were still quite wide, but my gaping jaw was cleverly hidden by my quickly-draining Guinness. My eyes softened. “Sorry Thotoy”, I whispered into my beer.
I was at a complete loss to pony up a noble response worthy of the offer on the table. How in the WORLD would I rebuke this beautiful girl’s once-in-a-lifetime request??
(Help?)
Right on cue, my Pubic-Bone-Bruiser horny friend with the tramp-stamp suddenly arrived, saw me, and threw her arms around me while jumping into my lap.
(Thank you!)
Cherry Girl’s eyes dropped to the floor, witnessing this unexpected display of affection right in front of her. She then turned and walked away. Stuck to my seat, I was at once filled with sweet relief and sour sorrow. I kissed Bone-Bruiser with both the passion of a man saved and that of a man condemned. She sucked my tongue. Painfully. (Damn, I like that.)
Mid afternoon visions of only another sore pubic bone and still no AE introductions led me to say goodbye to the Shano’s bunch. I never saw the cherry girl again, but I have to believe that the fury of that woman scorned is very minor to the turmoil in my own soul that might have followed a bloody afternoon. Brocklanders will now wonder how much Oprah I watch… but it just isn’t in me, boys.

Around nightfall, I found myself standing alone in the middle of the street of the unholy Corner-of-the-Trike-Drivers, my back to the growing Friday night macho mongering meeting at Kokomo’s. My Guinness-blurred stare was fixed upon the interesting door girls at Tender Touch. For the life of me, I couldn’t remember why the name “Tender Touch” fired such a sinful burst of dopamine into my motor cortex, but that’s the door (and the long hallway) that I found next.
Louie.
Louie!! MVPIMP.
Shit!

I found the famous Louie’s bar by accident or maybe by autopilot. Same same.
Louie’s hospitality instantly gave me the warm grin that I usually only display for my old college buddies. We drank. We ogred. I pulled a funny cord from the ceiling that unleashed a bazillion ping-pong balls from a net-contraption, transporting the normally slow-motion Tender Touch bikini girls into hungry hyper-active piranha fish. Power. Forty bucks commands fourteen girls to get on their knees. Power.
Thotoy drifted through with a female in tow. I wanted to tell the guy that I had whispered his name into a Guinness earlier. Haa.

I had many peeps to meet. Louie led me across the street to Lolipop, where I saw Shagger, Drummer, etc. Bang. I held up one finger (houwd-up) and quickly ran to my hotel to get tequila presents.
I found myself running toward Lolipop, but somehow found Vortex instead, tequila bag in hand, walked up to the manager’s table where Mjibbo was hanging out alone. I smiled. I can appreciate alone. I introduced myself with the stupid look that a disciple might save for Jesus.
I delivered my tequila present, but the booze was secondary to the frenzy that the girls displayed over whom exactly would get to keep the fancy bag CONTAINING the bottle.
Mjibbo pointed at a sexy little pinay thing with shoes that included calf lace-up straps.
Fuck.
Fuck me.
Done.

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